How does Winston feel after being released from the ministry of love?

Winston has been released from the Ministry of Love. He sits in the Chestnut Tree Cafe drinking their special clove-flavored Victory Gin. Winston listens to the telescreen, eager for a special bulletin from the Ministry of Peace. There should be news about Central Africa. Suddenly, his mind wanders. He has trouble focusing on any single thought these days. He can smell the gin, and thinks of how it is forever mixed up with the smell of the rats he faced, although he never names the beasts. A waiter who recognizes Winston as a regular brings him a chessboard and a Times before filling his gin glass. He begins to examine the chess problem in the Times: "White to play and mate in two moves." He looks at Big Brother, thinking to himself, "White always mates."

The telescreen announces that a bulletin will be given at fifteen-thirty. He is excited to think of the news. Eurasia is invading Central Africa, and if they are successful may eventually succeed in splitting Oceania in two, which could mean the destruction of the Party. Unconsciously, he traces "2+2=5" in the dust on the table, and thinks of Julia. They saw each other once after being released, purely by chance. He followed her on her walk, always a few feet behind. Eventually she stopped and he put his arm around her waist, but felt revulsion at the thought of making love to her. She did not respond; her body felt rigid and lifeless. They sat down on a bench with some distance between them. After some time, she told him, "I betrayed you." He told her the same. They agreed, through a distant conversation, that there are some things they can do to you that make you think and care only about yourself. After that, it is impossible to ever feel the same way towards one who you loved. She made an excuse to leave, and they both feebly suggested they should meet again, knowing they never would. Winston followed her for a short time, but eventually lost her in a crowd and gave up the effort.

Sitting in the Chestnut Tree Cafe, Winston feels nostalgic, and tears up when the song "Under the spreading Chestnut Tree, I sold you and you sold me" begins to play over the telescreen. The waiter brings him more gin. Winston reflects on how his life is now filled with gin. It is "his life, his death, and his resurrection." Winston is a fixture at the Chestnut Tree Cafe, despite his new position as a sinecure, meaning he is on a sub-committee under many other sub-committees, and only goes to work a couple of days out of the week. He does little, but is paid well. Winston's thoughts turn back to the battle in Africa. He wonders if there even is a battle. Suddenly, a strong memory comes to him. Winston was nine or ten, sitting on the floor and shaking a dice box, laughing with excitement. His mother was sitting across from him, and also laughing. It was a brief moment, in their hard lives, of happiness and camaraderie. His mother had gone out in the rain to buy him the board game as a reward for behaving well. For a whole afternoon, Winston, his mother, and his sister had a wonderful, joyous time.

Winston pushes the memory out of his mind, certain that it is one of those false memories that keeps troubling him. Suddenly, a loud trumpet call sounds, signaling that the bulletin is about to be announced. Oceania has intelligently outflanked Eurasia, capturing the whole of Africa and perhaps bringing the war close to an end. It is the greatest victory in history. Winston listens to the news with excitement, thinking it has all turned out just as he had thought it would. His feet stir beneath him, and he imagines himself running with the cheering crowds out in the street. He looks at the poster of Big Brother and is in awe of his greatness. He recognizes that only ten minutes ago he had wondered if Oceania might be defeated. But now, staring into the warm, strong eyes of Big Brother, he realizes that this could never be. With tears of great understanding trickling down his face, Winston realizes he has finally defeated himself. He loves Big Brother.