what does marium find in rasheeds drawer? how does it make her feel? why does she rationalize what she finds?

While cleaning up after the Eid celebration, Mariam goes into Rasheed's room for the first time, and finds a gun in Rasheed's drawer. Mariam feels that he must have kept the weapon in the house for safety. Mariam also finds pornographic magazines, and she feels that she must be a disappointment to him in terms of their sexual relationship. Mariam rationalizes that he has needs that are beyond her own.