Born a Crime, Chapter 11

In Grade 8, Noah starts middle school at Sandringham, a huge school that is racially and economically diverse. Noah has experienced intense poverty growing up with his mother and has become more self-conscious about income over time. He doesn't fit in with the white kids because of his lack of money, and while he feels most comfortable with the poor Black students, they live in far-away neighborhoods, so he can't socialize with them outside of school. At lunchtime, the students rush to line up to buy food. Being fast, Noah begins taking orders from wealthy white students and taking a cut in exchange for standing in line to get their food for them. Although he still feels isolated and lonely, he now has a function within the social hierarchy of the school.

As the outsider, you can retreat into a shell, be anonymous, be invisible. Or you can go the other way. You protect yourself by opening up. You don't ask to be accepted for everything you are, just the one part of yourself that you're willing to share. For me it was humor. I learned that even though I didn't belong to one group, I could be a part of any group that was laughing. I'd drop in, pass out the snacks, tell a few jokes. I'd perform for them. I'd catch a bit of their conversation, learn more about their group, and then leave. I never overstayed my welcome. I wasn't popular, but I wasn't an outcast. I was everywhere with everybody, and at the same time I was all by myself.