Chapter 49 leads Saul to an important realization about his past and what he had been doing with his life. What did his realization about Father Leboutilier allow him to realize about his life?

Saul travels to the place where St. Jerome’s used to be. When he arrives, it is evident that the school closed down years ago. While there, repressed memories suddenly burst forth in Saul’s mind. Saul realizes that he was sexually abused and raped by Leboutilier repeatedly while he was at St. Jerome’s. Saul then remembers the different ways in which he tried to suppress the memories of those abuses even when he was still at St. Jerome’s. Saul realizes that he has to reconcile with his abuse to be able to climb out of the dark hole that he is in.