Traditional Family Roles
The place of traditional family roles in post-war Japan is a major theme in "A Family Supper." The theme first arises when the narrator mentions how his relationship with his family had become so strained that he was not even informed of his mother's death, having only learned about the event upon his return to Japan. He and his father cryptically address the rupture, the father saying now that he does not believe the narrator had evil intentions but was guided by certain influences; the narrator suggests that they not get into the topic. Through context clues—such as the narrator's mother's potentially suicide-inducing disappointment—it becomes evident that the narrator defied his parents' authority by moving to the United States for a relationship with a non-Japanese woman. Coming from a family led by a formidable conservative nationalist father proud of his samurai heritage, the narrator didn't meet his parents' expectations to stay close to home and marry someone Japanese. Rather than accept that the narrator should be free to choose the life he wishes to live, the narrator's mother saw his defiance as a failure on her own part—a failure she would not repeat with Kikuko, who has performed her role as daughter in a way that conforms to her parents' wishes. However, Kikuko too is seeking independence, made clear by the tension and restraint she exhibits when her father commands her to do things. She also conceals her smoking from her father because the habit does not fit with his idea of how a young woman should behave. Rather than move home to take care of her father, as he hopes, Kikuko is likely to hitchhike across the United States with her boyfriend, a decision that will undoubtedly cause strife at home. Ultimately, "A Family Supper" presents a clash in values between Japanese people raised on either side of WWII, the younger ones having assimilated values more in line with American individualism.
Independence
Alongside the theme of traditional family roles, Ishiguro explores the theme of independence in "A Family Supper." Although the family largely avoids addressing the topic directly, from context the reader understands that the narrator, some years earlier, put personal liberty above filial obligation. While the father concedes that the narrator had no "evil intentions" when he abandoned the family to live with his girlfriend in America, he is unwilling to accept that he or the narrator's mother was wrong in their judgment of him. The narrator will not apologize either, so he suggests they drop the subject, knowing it won't lead anywhere productive. The father obliges, but his resentment resurfaces later when he implies to his son that the boy's mother killed herself because of the worry and disappointment he caused her. From this point on, the question of whether the narrator's need for independence will continue to be a destructive force in his family looms over the story. Although the narrator took pains to distance himself from his family obligations, the issue has lingered at home, made clear when Father invites his son and Kikuko to move back in so that he might be less lonely. It is a request for them to give up their independence as adults, and so the father hedges his invitation with a comment that they probably wouldn't want to live in the dreary house again.
Unprocessed Grief
From the casual, almost flippant mention of the narrator's mother's death in the second sentence, unprocessed grief is a dominant theme in "A Family Supper." Having only learned of his mother's death from fugu poisoning two years after it happened, the narrator has not been given the same opportunity to mourn his mother's passing that Kikuko and Father have. Because he was too estranged from the family to have been notified, the narrator learns what happened to his mother after such a long delay that he has no discernible reaction to the news; he moves through the evening with his father and sister saying and feeling little. As the story goes on, it becomes clear that the father and sister in fact may not have processed their grief either. Instead, Kikuko avoids the subject of her death entirely, while Father leads the narrator through the house full of empty rooms as an oblique way of conveying how empty his life has become. As a symbol of the guilt he feels toward his mother and the grief he has yet to process, the narrator transposes the image of the ghost he once saw in the yard into a photograph of his mother that was taken shortly before her death. Ultimately, the story shows how a family of individuals unable to resolve their differences are left alienated from each other when they most need to come together.
Murder-Suicide
The sinister presence of suicide and murder-suicide lingers throughout the entire story. The theme first arises casually as Father informs the narrator of his business partner’s suicide, which he chose because he couldn’t live with the disgrace of his company's failure. Because of the father's respect for his ex-partner, he does not mention how Watanabe also killed his wife and daughters the night he took his life—a fact the narrator doesn't learn until Kikuko tells him in the garden. While Kikuko voices her disgust over Watanabe's murder-suicide, the narrator's father only expresses admiration for him as a "man of principle and honor." Suicide arises again when Father tells his son that he believes Mother's death "was no accident," a statement that implies he thinks she took her own life and used the eating of fugu as cover for her actions. A sense of unease grows as the father tells his son that he once longed to be in the air force during WWII, speaking with admiration of the kamikaze planes as a "final weapon" against the enemy. By the time Father serves his children a type of fish he will not identify, the question of whether Father has orchestrated a murder-suicide as Watanabe did has entered the reader's mind. However, the tension dissipates somewhat after the meal when Father suggests that Watanabe took work too seriously and that his actions had been misguided. While it appears Father has not chosen to take the same path, the story ends before the narrator and Kikuko have made it through the night.
