Over dinner that night, Finch declares to his mom and Decca that he discovered that there is good in the world and “a 1,275-foot bump in the ground can feel higher than a bell tower if you’re standing next to the right person” (104). Finch takes a bath, sinking beneath the water and testing how long he can hold his breath; the longest he’s ever done is six and a half minutes. He again thinks of Virginia Woolf’s suicide note before he comes sputtering back up for air.
At school, the Bartlett Dirt has published a list of the top ten suicidal students, naming Finch number one. The newspaper editor, Jordan Gripenwaldt, has covered the paper with mental health resources, but no one pays attention to that. Amanda and Ryan nag Violet about Finch, asking what it’s like to work with him and prodding her to explain the rock he gives her in class (it says “your turn,” a signal that she needs to choose the next spot they wander to). Ryan is beginning to flirt with Violet, and says he thinks they should get back together; she says she doesn’t know if she’s ready, and tells him not to be the guy who’s jealous of his ex-girlfriend’s project partner.
Violet’s parents ask her if she was on the bell tower last week, which makes her panic. Her mom says a local reporter called wanting to do a story on her, to which Violet says everyone is making a bigger deal of the situation than necessary. Her mother then says they were thinking of going to New York for spring break; Violet lies, saying that sounds great. Later that night, when she wakes up from the recurring nightmares she’s had since Eleanor died, she exchanges some Facebook messages with Finch, who is also awake. He says he’s coming to her house, but when he gets there and throws rocks at her window, Violet doesn’t come. Back home, he makes a “How to Stay Awake” list, which includes running, writing, driving, playing guitar, and, Violet.
Violet finds Finch on her lawn the next morning. They bike toward school together, and Finch says that, as he is her project partner, and the guy that saved her life, she should tell him what happened the night of the accident. She asks why he wants to know, and he says because he likes her—not in a romantic way, but “as a fellow student of U.S. geography—and because he thinks it would benefit her to talk about it with someone. As leverage, he tells her the story of how he got his scar, but Violet knows it’s a fake. She gets off her bike to go to school, and tells Finch she might not be free the next day. He says that’s okay, calls her Ultraviolet for the first time, and then rides in the opposite direction of their school.
On the phone, the reporter asks Violet if saving someone’s life gives her any kind of closure, in light of the accident last year. Violet hangs up the phone when she tries to posit that there is a relationship between being unable to save her sister’s life and then being able to save Finch. Violet goes to the drive-in with Ryan, instead of wandering with Finch. Amanda and Roamer are together, making out in the front seat. Ryan kisses Violet, but she is distracted and uncomfortable. She thinks of Finch; she wonders what he’s doing, hopes he doesn’t thinks he blew him off because she prefers to spend time with these people. Violet tells Ryan she has a curfew and goes home.
The next morning, Finch is having breakfast with the Markeys when Violet comes downstairs. He has been asking them what she was like before the accident, and he makes fun of her for a story her mother told him about Eleanor and her following Boy Parade for an interview. Finch doesn’t have his bike, and he says they’ve been everywhere within biking distance anyway; it’s time for them to drive. She gets angry with him, says he can’t barge into people’s lives and push them so hard, and he says that he knows she’s unhappy, that no one is doing her any favors by tip-toeing around her all the time. Eventually, she pushes past him and gets in the car.
While they drive, Finch talks to distract her. Eventually he asks her about the accident, and she says she doesn’t remember much, just that Eleanor and her boyfriend had been in a fight, she was upset but wouldn’t let Violet drive, and Violet suggested they take the A Street Bridge. He then asks what she was like, and Violet describes her, saying she was her best friend. Finch says he’s never had one. They arrive at Bookmobile Park, Violet’s selection: seven trailers that are each home to a different category of books. Finch buys some books for Violet, and when neither she nor the shop attendant is looking, he leaves extra money behind.
Before going home, Finch says there is another stop they need to make. They follow a sign for “Church,” and Finch gets out of the car, leading Violet toward what looks like an abandoned factory. There is a huge chalkboard with the words “Before I die…” etched onto it. They read through people’s words, and then Finch writes out a dozen “Before I die…”s with a blank, and says that they can fill these up, then go to other sides of the building, because, Finch says, “it’s a good way to figure out just why [they're] here” (135). Finch writes several things, and eventually Violet starts to write too. For his last entry, he writes “kiss Violet Markey,” and in that moment, she wants him to. He says not there, not then, and clarifies that this doesn’t mean he likes her. On the drove home, she can’t unsee those words. At the Quarry, the bar downtown that has live music, they dance together, and she yells that she doesn’t like him either, to which he only laughs.
Analysis:
The image of Finch holding his breath underwater is again evocative of Woolf’s death by drowning, and the foreshadowing is made stronger by his consideration of her suicide note in this scene. The moment when he bursts through the water’s surface, filling his lungs with air, emulates the mental breakthrough he has had with Violet: his depression can give life the blurry effect of being underwater, but Violet brings everything back into focus.
The theme of ostracization is explored more deeply in these chapters as the gossip website publishes a list of suicidal students. Not only is it a serious invasion of privacy—and also possibly libelous—but it’s a conscious act of stigmatization, of making people feel bad or embarrassed about their mental health struggles. In his typical manner, Finch brushes this off, but Violet isn’t used to such cruelty. Again, we see Niven’s attention to empathy: Violet cares more about Finch being hurt than he does.
Hiding or concealment is a recurrent motif in the novel: Finch hides his depression from everyone, Violet hides her guilt, Finch hides things about his life from people at school, Violet hides things from her parents so she can avoid talking to them about her feelings. When the reporter calls the house, Violet panics that the secret she was hiding—she was on the bell tower, contemplating suicide—will be revealed to her parents.
Further, there is an added layer of complexity to this moment; because Violet is so worried about her parents finding out the truth about what happened that day, she is forced into a position where she has to confirm the lie she doesn’t want to tell, that she was the one who saved Finch that day. This makes her angry, and only furthers her negative feelings about herself. Here, Niven highlights another element of survivor’s guilt: the survivor’s shame about having their own pain because everyone has already been through so much. In Violet’s case, she sees how desperately her parents want her to be happy, that she can’t face telling them how she’s really feeling.
The fact that Finch and Violet are both hiding so much from so many people—and that their paths crossed in a mutual moment of vulnerability, when they saw parts of each other that are otherwise inaccessible—means that their relationship to each other is a special one. While Finch seems to know this from the outset, it takes Violet a bit more time; eventually, though, she begins to realize that the conversations she has with Finch are much more interesting, and satisfying, than the conversations she has with Ryan and others, and that the time she spends with Finch is more enjoyable. Whereas with Ryan or Amanda, or even her parents, Violet is constantly putting on an act, with Finch she can be closer to her honest self.
