“Did you ever, when you were little, endure your parents’ warnings, then wait for them to leave the room, pry loose protective covers and consider inserting some metal object into an electrical outlet?
Did you wonder if for once you might light up the room?
When you were big enough to cross the street on your own, did you ever wait for a signal, hear the frenzied approach of a fire truck and feel like stepping out in front of it?
Did you wonder just how far that rocket ride might take you?
When you were almost grown, did you ever sit in a bubble bath, perspiration pooling, notice a blow dryer plugged in within easy reach, and think about dropping it into the water?
Did you wonder if the expected rush might somehow fail you?
And now, do you ever dangle your toes over the precipice, dare the cliff to crumble, defy the frozen deity to suffer the sun, thaw feather and bone, take wing to fly you home?”
Pattyn has endured an abusive, tragic childhood. She knows what it feels like to wish she were dead every other moment. When she starts dating, she realizes that her emotional baggage from childhood must be addressed. She cannot relate like a normal person would if she doesn't first acknowledge her past trauma.
“God is love," she said. "And he respects love, whether it's between a parents, and child, a man and woman, or friends. I don't think he cares about religion one little bit. Live your life right. Love with all your heart. Don't hurt others, and help those in need. That is all you need to know. And don't worry about heaven. If it exists, you'll be welcome.”
Jeanette is a resourceful, resilient woman. When Pattyn first moves in, she expresses a lot of fear surrounding religion. She's long questioned the Mormon religion, but she's afraid to reject in for fear of angering God, in whom she does believe. As if sent from heaven, her aunt can answer those questions, having already worked through them for herself. She believes that God is loving of all people and just wants them to live in a loving manner too.
"That may be how you see yourself, but the rest of the world would be hard to agree. You shine brighter than the Milky Way.
Now there are those who might try to take that from you, but you don't have to give it away. Keep on shining Pattyn.
And when the right young man comes along, he'll love you all the more for giftin' this sad planet with your light.”
Aunt Jeanette works faithfully to help Pattyn develop a more accurate self-image. She wants the girl to feel treasured and empowered and relentless, so she teaches her to believe in herself. This self-development leads Pattyn to start exploring romance. Anticipating this, Aunt J tells her that she has the right to say no and to use her talents elsewhere if she wants.
"I hugged the littlest ones close to my chest,
till the beat of my heart lulled them to rest.
Only then did I let myself cry.
Only then did I let myself wonder why
Mom didn't fight back, didn't defend,
didn't confess to family or friend.
Had Dad's demons claimed her soul?
Or was this, as well, a woman's role?”
Pattyn's childhood has been characterized by having to be the strong, eldest daughter who holds it together for her younger sisters during her father's worst fits. He would come home drunk and ready to fight. Resourceful mom knew well enough to send the kids to bed before his return, but she refused to talk to anybody outside the family about the abuse. She remained silent. Pattyn is outraged over the injustice her mom suffers and afraid for her own inevitable marriage into the Mormon church. She's afraid she'll end up in her mother's position, and she knows she couldn't keep quiet.
