“The seasons and the years came and went...and always...one was, as the crow flies, about 2,000 km away - but from where? - and day by day hour by hour, with every beat of the pulse, one lost more and more of one's qualities, became less comprehensible to oneself, increasingly abstract.”
Sebald describes the process of assimilating to a new culture as twofold. For every minute emotion, there's a complimentary feeling. In adapting practices of a new culture, one simultaneously must abandon those of the previous culture. This process is confusing to a person's very identity, which is so deeply rooted in cultural tradition.
“He was at once saving himself, in some way, and mercilessly destroying himself."
Ferber, the artist, finds catharsis in his art, but the very process of producing the art was destructive to him. Sifting through those memories and emotions, he could feel parts of his innocence leaving him forever. They are replaced with healing and truth, but the price is high.
"Looking back, you might say that Ambros Adelwarth the private man had ceased to exist, that nothing was left but his shell of decorum"
After losing Solomon, Adelwarth falls into a severe depression which culminates in his admission into a mental institution. Solomon was his one connection in America. Losing him cause too much grief for Adelwarth's already damaged psyche to bear. Suffering from no physical ailment, he simply loses his mind from the trauma of once more facing the death of a loved one.
"But I have never been able to bring myself to sell anything, except perhaps, at one point, my soul."
Ferber is kind of a cynic. Although he pours his time and energy into his art, he refuses to sell it. Since his artwork is so personal and painful, he is loathe to part with any of it lest the purchaser fail to recognize the meaning and value of the piece. To Ferber, his art is a sacred part of him, making him reticent to give it away.
