The Importance of Technique
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up starts with a question: why is it that time and time again our homes become messy and disorganized, even after our most robust tidying efforts? Why do we find ourselves repeatedly slipping into clutter and chaos, unable to bring a lasting sense of order into our very own homes? The answer, according to Marie Kondo, is quite simply that we don't know how to tidy up. Tidying up is something we must learn to do. It's a critical skill and yet we don't really appreciate it as such. “Most of us have been scolded for not tidying up our rooms,” Kondo notes, “but how many of our parents consciously taught us how to tidy as part of our upbringing? Our parents demanded that we clean up our rooms, but they, too, had never been trained in how to do that.” In certain living situations, such as military training or residing in a temple or monastery, we may learn a specific technique for cleaning and organizing. Generally speaking though, “When it comes to tidying, we are all self-taught” (pg. 10). We can't assume we know how to tidy. Instead, we need to learn and apply a specific method or technique.
Personal Values and Tidying Up
Anyone serious about decluttering and organizing their life for good must to commit to learning the proper technique. At the same time, tidying isn't about dryly applying the Marie Kondo method. The process of tidying up must be driven by our personal values. Kondo states: “A person's awareness and perspective of his or her own lifestyle are far more important than any skill at sorting, storing, or whatever. Order is dependent on the extremely personal values of what a person wants to live with” (pg 6). Tidying up means, fundamentally, to get in touch with our true priorities. It's about discarding what no longer gives us joy and creating space in our lives for what's really important. Because the Kondo method of tidying up is driven by our core values, we are forced to examine and clarify those values. This process is empowering and often transformative. Thus, tidying up can lead to dramatic changes in other areas of life such as our jobs or our relationships. Kondo shares stories of clients who have made life-affirming changes in the wake of tidying up. These changes include: getting a divorce, getting married, quitting a job, moving, renewing old friendships, and ending toxic relationships. This ripple effect into other areas of life is part of the life-changing “magic” of tidying up.
Relating with Objects and Belongings
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up emphasizes the bright, living quality of the objects we interact with. Honoring this living quality is a significant part of the Kondo method. Our belongings are not simply for our use, they are also here for us to engage with and positively relate to. Each piece of clothing, each book, each bottle of shampoo, has its own energetic quality. This quality is brought about by the work the object does in supporting us in daily life. When we become mindful of this quality and slow down with our belongings, handling our belongings becomes an act of love. When folding, for example, we can lightly press down on our clothing and communicate love and gratitude to the fabric. In the Kondo method, folding is not fundamentally about making perfect creases or putting your clothing away neatly. It is fundamentally about establishing a relationship of care and respect with your clothing and other belongings.
The Kondo method asks us to depart from our small and narrow view of objects as simply things to be used. It encourages us to fully engage, respect, and honor our belongings for the work they do in our lives and how they support us. When we engage an object in this way, we begin to appreciate its living quality. Kondo notes, for example, that: “Every piece of clothing has its own 'sweet spot' where it feels just right—a folded state that best suits the item. This will differ depending on the type of material and size of the clothing, and therefore you will need to adjust you method until you find what works... There is nothing more satisfying than finding that sweet spot” (pg. 77). When we work with our belongings in a more sane and respectful manner, we develop an intuition about how they “want” to be handled.
Letting Go and Making Space
When our space is full of objects that no longer align with our current perspective, things feel cluttered both outside and from within. Part of tidying up is about letting go and saying goodby to things that no longer match who we are. This process means acknowledging who we are now, rather than clinging to a restrictive notion of who we ought to be. Many of us keep books long after reading them, or buy books and let them collect dust for years without opening them. This rigid mentality goes against the spirit of tidying up: “If you missed your chance to read a particular book, even if it was recommended to you or is one you have been intending to read for ages, this is your chance to let it go. You may have wanted to read it when you bought it, but if you haven't read it by now, the book's purpose was to teach you that you didn't need it” (pg. 94). Tidying up is an emotional process because it asks us to confront and clarify who we are in this moment. At the same time, it is also empowering because it liberates us from the ghosts of our past.
Letting go is also respectful to the objects themselves. Do we really honor a book by allowing it to collect dust on our shelves for years, telling ourselves we'll read it “someday”? It is better to release that object, to free it from our neurotic grasp on it. In addition, freeing objects in this way creates space for us to work with what we do have and want. As Marie Kondo states: “The fact that you posses a surplus of things that you can't bring yourself to discard doesn't mean you are taking good care of them. In fact, it is quite the opposite. By paring down to the volume that you can properly handle, you revitalize your relationship with your belongings” (pg .126). This revitalized relationship creates a feeling of joy, clarity, and magic.
