"The Bull"
He stood alone in the backyard, so dark the night purpled around him.
I had no choice. I opened the door
& stepped out. Wind
in the branches. He watched me with kerosene
-blue eyes. What do you want? I asked, forgetting I had no language. He kept breathing,
to stay alive. I was a boy –
which meant I was a murderer
of my childhood. & like all murderers, my god
was stillness. My god, he was still
there. Like something prayed for
by a man with no mouth. The green-blue lamp swirled in its socket. I didn’t
want him. I didn’t want him to
be beautiful – but needing beauty
to be more than hurt gentle
enough to hold, I reached for him. I reached – not the bull –
but the depths. Not an answer but
an entrance the shape of
an animal. Like me.
"Beautiful Short Loser"
(Excerpt)
I’m done talking, officer, I’m dancing
in the rain with a wedding dress & it makes sense.
Because my uncle decided to leave this world intact.
Because taking a piece of my friend away from him
made him more whole.
Because where I’m from the trees look like family
laughing in my head.
Because I am the last of my kind at the beginning of hope.
Because what I did with my one short beautiful life—was lose it
on a winning streak.
"Rise & Shine"
(Excerpt)
Scraped the last $8.48
from the glass jar.
Your day’s worth of tips
at the nail salon. Enough
for one hit. Enough
to be good
till noon but
these hands already
blurring. The money a weird
hummingbird caught
in my fingers. I take out
the carton of eggs. Crack
four yolks into a sky
-blue bowl, spoon
the shells. Scallions hiss
in oil. A flick
of fish sauce, garlic crushed
the way you
taught me. The pan bubbling
into a small possible
sun. I am...
"Not Even"
(Excerpt)
Enough. Time is a mother. Lest we forget, a morgue is also a community center. In my language, the one I recall now only by closing my eyes, the word for love is Yêu. And the word for weakness is Yếu. How you say what you mean changes what you say. Some call this prayer. I call it watch your mouth. When they zipped my mother in a body bag I whispered: Rose, get out of there.
Your plants are dying. Enough is enough. Body, doorway that you are, be more than what I’ll pass through. Stillness. That’s what it was. The man in the field in the red sweater, he was so still he became, somehow, more true, like a knife wound in a landscape painting. Like him, I caved. I caved and decided it will be joy from now on. Then everything opened. The lights blazed around me into a white weather and I was lifted, wet and bloody, out of my mother, screaming and enough.
“Amazon History of a Former / Nail Salon Worker”
Mar.
Advil (ibuprofen), 4 pack
Sally Hansen Pink Nail Polish, 6 pack
Clorox Bleach, industrial size
Diane hair pins, 4 pack
Seafoam handheld mirror
“I Love New York” T-shirt, white, small
Apr.
Nongshim Ramen Noodle Bowl, 24 pack
Cotton Balls, 100 count
“Thank You For Your Loyalty” cards, 30 count
Toluene POR-15 40404 Solvent, 1 quart
UV LED Nail Lamp
Cuticle Oil, value pack
Clear Acrylic Nail Tips, 500 count
May
Advil (ibuprofen), 4 pack
Vicks VapoRub, twin pack
Portable Electric Nail Drill
Salonpas Heat-Activated muscle patch, 40 count
Lipstick, “Night Out Red”
Little Debbie Chocolate Zebra Cakes, 4 boxes
Jun.
Large faux-clay planter pots, value set
Carnation Condensed Milk, 6 pack
Clear Nail Art Acrylic Liquid Powder Dish Bowl, 2 pcs
Birthday Card—Son—Pop-up Mother and Son effect
Nike Elite Basketball Shorts, men’s small
Jul.
Saviland Holographic Gold Nail Powder, 6 colors
Nescafé Taster’s Choice Instant Coffee
Advil (ibuprofen), 4 pack
PIXNOR Pedicure Double-Sided Callus Remover
Bengay Medicated Cream, 3 pack
Aug.
Newchic Ochre Summer Dress Floral Print, sz 6
Wrigley’s Doublemint Gum, 8 pack
Plastic Adirondack Lawn Chair, colonial blue
Sep.
Nail buffers and files, 10 pcs
Coppertone Sunblock, 6 oz
Oct.
CozyNites Fleece Blanket, pink
Sleep-Ease Melatonin caps, 90 count
Icy Hot Maximum Strength pain relief pads
Nov.
Tampax, 24 count
Faux-Resin Hair clips, 3 pack
Dec.
Advil (ibuprofen) Maximum Strength, 4 pack
True-Gro Tulip Bulbs, 24 pcs
Jan.
Feb.
Healthline Compact Trigger Release Folding Walker
Yankee Candle, Midsummer’s Night, large jar
Mar.
Chemo-Glam cotton head scarf, sunrise pink
White Socks, women’s small, 12 pack
Apr.
Chemo-Glam cotton scarf, flower garden print
“Warrior Mom” Breast Cancer awareness T-shirt, pink and white
May
Mueller 255 Lumbar Support Back Brace
Jun.
Birthday Card—“Son, We Will Always Be Together,” Snoopy design
Jul.
Eternity Aluminum Urn, Dove and Rose engraved, small
Perfect Memories picture frame, 8 x 11 in, black
Burt’s Bees lip balm, Honey, 1 pc
Aug.
Sep.
Easy-Grow Windowsill herb garden
Oct.
YourStory Customized Memorial Plaque, 10 x 8 x 4 in
Winter coat, navy blue, x-small
Nov.
Wool socks, grey, 1 pair
