Alcoholism
Alcoholism is s significant theme in this book. Alexie’s father was an alcoholic who drank himself to death. His mother was also a chaotic alcoholic but stopped drinking earlier in his childhood. When Alexie himself was in college, he began drinking to cope with the stress of scholarly success. They all used alcohol as a medium to mask and cope with their traumas and struggles. The toll of living with parents who were both alcoholics was unbearable for Alexie. The dysfunctionality that comes with alcoholism translated to Alexie’s entire childhood experience which he defines as a dark time in his life. The same way he experienced his parents dealing with their issues with alcohol, he adopted it himself.
Abuse
At the center of the memoir is the effects of abuse and how they lead to more and more abuse. Alexie’s mother was abusive towards him. She constantly beat him and put him through hardships that still bother him to adulthood. As a child, Alexie was sexually abused and bullied several times while living on the reservation. Alexie’s mother was not only a victim of rape but a product of one. These cycles of abuse translate to more abuse that defined the lives of Alexie and his mother.
Grief
Grief is probably the main theme of “You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me”. Alexie wrote the memoir after his mother’s death as a sort of coping mechanism. When she died, Alexie battles with the relationship he had and the past, with her mother. He finds a way to understand his mother’s actions through writing. Also, experiencing the death of his father at a young age must have had lasting effects on him. Alexie’s mother stopped drinking, probably as a way to grief his husband. This memoir portrays the deep effects of grief and how they can either destroy you completely or build you up.
