Summary
A few months before Jude's fortieth, birthday he receives news that the professor who supervised him when he studied mathematics in graduate school has passed away. Jude attends the funeral and then goes to visit Harold and Julia. Jude is still very close with Willem and on good terms with Malcolm, but in the three years since JB mocked his limp, Jude has never been able to forgive him. Jude remembers how, after JB passed out, they took him to the hospital, and then he and Willem went home together. Jude continued to visit JB in the hospital during his recovery, and JB begged for forgiveness during this time. After JB returned from rehab, he moved back in with his mother. He reached out to Jude months after the intervention to ask for forgiveness one more time; while Jude didn't show anger, he explained that he would never be able to forgive JB. Since then, the two of them only occasionally run into each other at parties and events. Malcolm remains friends with JB, but Willem has sided with Jude and no longer speaks to JB either.
By that spring, Willem is preparing to leave for an extended length of time filming in Europe. Jude is saddened because Willem has had a period of being mostly in New York, and this has allowed the two to spend more time together. Willem is now dating a woman named Robin, and he tells Jude that one of Robin's friends has expressed interest in dating Jude. When Jude dismisses the idea, Willem becomes frustrated and complains that Jude still shares very little of himself. Jude refuses to admit his loneliness to Willem, and he is insistent that he likes his life the way it is. However, after he returns alone to his apartment, Jude faces the bleak prospect of months without seeing Willem. He is continuing to self-harm as a way to cope with his self-loathing and lack of hope for his future. Despite all of his success and the love that people around him show him, Jude continues to believe that he is fundamentally bad and unlovable. Jude feels a longing for companionship and support, but he is terrified by the idea of having anyone touch or see his body, and his memories of sex all involve the horrific experiences he had when he was prostituted as a child.
One night, at a dinner party, Jude meets a man named Caleb, who works as an executive in the fashion industry. Jude is surprised when Caleb asks to have dinner with him, and he consents because he finds Caleb interesting. When Caleb makes it clear that he has a romantic interest in Jude, Jude spontaneously decides to consent to the relationship, even though he still has deep misgivings about sex and intimacy. Almost immediately, Caleb becomes critical of any evidence of Jude's physical disability, and he shames him for using a wheelchair. Jude is also always disgusted when the two of them have sex. Within a few months, Caleb begins to hit Jude, but Jude hides the origin of these injuries from Andy. Jude has begun experiencing a form of nerve damage that limits his mobility, but because of Caleb shaming him, he avoids using his wheelchair and just tries to endure the suffering.
One day, after Jude has been badly beaten by Caleb, he has dinner with Harold. As with Andy, Jude has been able to convince Harold that his injuries result from sports accidents, but at the restaurant, they run into Caleb. Caleb says insulting things about Jude to Harold, and Harold realizes that Jude is in an abusive relationship. In the car on the way home, Harold tries to explain to Jude that he is worthy of love and deserves to be with someone who will treat him well, but Jude refuses to hear it. When Jude gets back to his apartment, alone, Caleb is waiting for him and attacks him.
Analysis
This section focuses on depicting the repercussions of Jude's emotional trauma by exploring two significant relationships: his relationship with JB and his relationship with Caleb. JB's behavior toward Jude is awful. Having been friends with Jude for so long, JB should know how sensitive Jude is, and he makes no effort to respect what Jude needs. Jude is completely justified in being angry with JB. At the same time, JB was lashing out because of his own pain and his addiction issues. Ironically, Jude is shown unconditional love and forgiveness by many other characters, but he can't extend that same compassion to JB. Jude is not rude or unkind, but he is so focused on protecting himself that he is unable to continue the relationship with JB. Had Jude not been so consumed by shame and self-loathing, he might have been able to forgive JB because he would not have been so deeply hurt and betrayed by JB's careless behavior. Although it is not yet apparent, Jude's decision to sever the relationship with JB is significant because he will end up losing Malcolm and Willem in a tragic accident. If Jude had maintained the relationship, he might have had a bond with an old friend to fall back on during that difficult time in his life.
Interestingly, while Jude immediately rejects JB for violating his trust, he endures appalling abuse at the hands of Caleb. Caleb is much more malicious than JB in the way he treats Jude: JB lashed out once in a fit of anger and immediately regretted it, whereas Caleb systematically and sadistically torments Jude. When Jude first meets Caleb, he is in a vulnerable position because he has become reliant on Willem's companionship and feels very lonely in his absence. As he grows older, Jude is also wondering whether he might be missing out by not having any romantic relationships. Under other circumstances, Jude likely would have pushed Caleb away, but he is curious enough to consider trying. As quickly becomes apparent, Caleb is predatory and takes advantage of Jude's vulnerability and self-loathing.
Given that Jude is successful, intelligent, and otherwise very self-reliant, it is shocking how quickly he becomes submissive to Caleb and tolerates horrifying behavior. At this point in the novel, the full details of Jude's traumatic past have not yet been revealed, but it will later become clear that Caleb's behavior mirrors the betrayals of Brother Luke and Dr. Traylor. In all cases, a man seemed to express caring and even love towards Jude only to turn around and sadistically abuse him. As Sean McCann explains, "Jude's erotic life is defined by a masochistic obsession with self-harm. Caleb's tastes, by contrast, are sadistic. He dominates, beats, and abuses Jude and thus reminds Jude of his deep sense of worthlessness and of his inextricable conviction that all sex is predatory" (n.p.).
Jude's secrecy and shame around his past and his self-harming behavior have primed him to tolerate an abusive relationship. When Caleb first mocks him and then eventually begins to hit him, Jude keeps this a secret and lies about what is happening. Andy is suspicious, but because of Jude's tendency to self-harm, he wonders if Jude might be hurting himself—it never occurs to him to wonder if someone else is abusing Jude. The only reason anyone finds out what is happening is that Caleb tries to assert his dominance by openly mocking Jude in public, in front of Harold. Caleb is so confident in his power that he feels like he can do anything he wants and Jude will simply accept it. Caleb is, in fact, somewhat correct because Jude refuses to listen to Harold when Harold urges him to respect and value himself. Caleb is dangerous because the way he treats Jude aligns with Jude's concept of himself. Jude actually finds relief when Caleb says all the horrible things he has long believed to be true about himself. In the same way that Jude finds relief when he causes himself physical pain, he finds an outlet in the abuse Caleb inflicts on him. Rather than hurting himself, he can let Caleb do it for him.
