Summary
The narrative resumes from Willem's perspective. Willem reminisces about realizing that he had become truly famous in his late thirties, finally achieving a sense of confidence about his film career. He then reflects on his experiences in the months when he stayed with Jude after Jude's suicide attempt. To his surprise, Willem felt very happy and at-home living with Jude full time. It is now more than a year after Jude's suicide attempt; Willem is still turning down work in order to be able to stay in New York with him. Willem's agent, Kit, observes that he considers this to be strange behavior and that it would only make sense to him if Willem and Jude were in a romantic relationship. This comment gives Willem pause because lately, in addition to his ongoing and deep-rooted love for Jude as a friend, he has been wondering if he might be experiencing romantic feelings for him as well. Willem is unsure of what to do because, despite years of friendship, he has never heard anything about Jude having a romantic life, and he knows it would be a serious step for Jude to kiss or touch someone.
Willem keeps his feelings secret for months, even though Jude comments on his changed behavior. In the spring, Willem runs into Andy by chance, and Willem impulsively confides his feelings for Jude. Andy supports the idea of a relationship, but he cautions Willem that being with Jude would be a serious commitment and that he should be absolutely certain before he shares his feelings with Jude. In May, a few weeks after Jude's forty-third birthday, Willem resolves to tell his friend that he is in love with him.
The narrative skips ahead four months: Jude and Willem are now living together as lovers. Jude comes across Caleb's obituary by chance and reacts with strong emotions, leading to a self-harming episode. When Willem first confessed his attraction to Jude, Jude was shocked and hesitant, but he agreed to try, because of how much he loved and trusted Willem. Jude was able to tell Willem that he would need a long time before he'd be ready to have sex, but he has come to enjoy some of the touching and physical intimacy between them. Jude found it very difficult to tolerate being naked in front of Willem, but Willem was very patient and supportive. The night that he finds out about Caleb's death, Jude hesitantly confides first that he had been in a relationship with Caleb, and then that the injuries Willem believed came from a car accident were actually the result of Caleb beating him. Willem, who has been gradually learning more about the traumas of Jude's past, is horrified.
Beginning in November, Jude and Willem begin to tell some of their close friends about their new relationship, and everyone is very supportive, with the exception of JB. Willem is highly enthusiastic about their relationship in public, but internally, he has doubts. He is worried about how repulsed Jude seems to be by the idea of sex, and wonders if Jude will ever be willing to have sex with him. In December, Willem tells his agent that he is now in a relationship with a man and doesn't intend to hide it. Jude had urged him to keep the relationship a secret in case it could hurt his career, but Willem is unwilling to do so.
The narrative skips ahead nearly two years, resuming in September; Jude is now 45. Willem is about to leave to film his latest movie. Jude recalls how in January, approximately 8 months into their romantic relationship, Willem had gone away to film, and Jude almost immediately began to experience serious health problems. However, Jude remained very calm and cheerful; he was grateful that he had enjoyed relatively good health during the time he was Willem and that Willem could be spared seeing him in serious pain. Ever since then, Jude's health has tended to deteriorate when Willem is away and to improve when he is around. They have a stable routine and a happy life together. They have also begun having sex; when Willem returned from filming, 10 months into their relationship, Jude offered to have sex with him, and since then, Jude has made a point to always have sex when Willem wants to. However, Jude never enjoys the sex. He hides this information from Willem and refuses to tell him about his past, even though Willem has surmised that Jude has experienced sexual trauma. The only serious conflict in their relationship stems from Willem's sadness and frustration that Jude is still cutting himself. In fact, to cope with the trauma of having sex regularly, Jude is cutting more frequently than he has in the past.
After Willem leaves for his movie shoot, Jude drives upstate to where he is building a house, designed by Malcolm. During Willem's absence, Jude keeps himself occupied with work and is generally able to avoid any significant self-harm episodes. However, during this trip, Jude begins to experience a lot of traumatic memories, and it becomes harder and harder for him to resist cutting himself. In November, with only a few weeks before Willem's return, Jude formulates a plan to injure himself in a new way; he can't cut, because if he does, Willem will see the marks, and know that Jude has broken his promise. Instead, Jude lights part of his arm on fire. The injuries are so severe that Jude has to go and see Andy, who immediately knows that the injury must be self-inflicted. Andy tells Jude decisively that if Jude doesn't tell Willem about his self-harming, Andy is going to do so himself.
Willem returns home to a happy reunion with Jude. He enjoys their relationship, but he is tormented by a nagging doubt that Jude doesn't actually like having sex with him and that Jude's self-harming is somehow connected to their sex life. As Willem and Jude drive to spend Thanksgiving with Harold and Julia, Willem accidentally intercepts a phone call from Andy referring to Jude "telling him." Willem is confused, but Andy hints it has something to do with the burn on Jude's arm. After he hangs up, Willem demands to know what happened, and Jude hesitantly admits that he set himself on fire. Willem is furious, but the two of them continue the drive to Boston. That night, Willem interrupts Jude cutting himself, and the two of them have a terrible fight. They drive back to the city, and Willem walks around aimlessly, unsure of what to do. He confides what happened to Andy, and Andy encourages him to go home and talk to Jude.
Willem and Jude apologize and reconcile, but Willem explains that he couldn't live with himself if he stood by passively while Jude continued to hurt himself. He tells Jude that he has to start seeing a therapist—otherwise, Willem will leave. Jude offers to tell Willem about his past and finally gives a complete explanation of all the abuse and horrors. After being very unhappy at the group home in Philadelphia and failing to find a family willing to adopt him, Jude began to fantasize about running away. He was excelling at school, and a few of his teachers mentioned college, but all Jude wanted was to get away from the abuse at the group home. One night, he abruptly fled in the middle of the night. He was able to get away and started hitchhiking eastwards, imagining a new life for himself in Boston. He had sex with men in exchange for the rides they give him. Jude fell sick and collapsed one day at a gas station outside of Philadelphia.
When Jude awakened, he was in a car being driven by a strange man, who introduced himself as Dr. Traylor. Dr. Traylor took Jude back to his house, gave him food and clean clothes, and then locked him in the basement. Jude initially hoped that Dr. Traylor would let him go once he had recovered, but Dr. Traylor began forcing Jude to have sex with him, threatening to hurt him if he tried to escape. Nonetheless, Jude began desperately plotting escape plans. After one failed escape attempt, Dr. Traylor began to beat Jude while also continuing to rape him. Shortly after Jude's fifteenth birthday, when he had been held by Traylor for approximately 3 months, Traylor forced Jude to run while he pursued him with a car and then finally drove over him while Jude lay collapsed on the ground. This is how Jude ended up with the terrible injuries to his back and legs. After this incident, Jude met Ana, and his life eventually turned around: he began college, met his friends, and went on to achieve more than he ever could have dreamed of.
The narrative resumes in July, 8 months after Jude finally revealed his full story to Willem. Willem is about to turn 48 and has had a lot of time to evaluate his perspective on romantic relationships. He finds deep comfort in the love he shares with Jude, even though the two of them have stopped having sex since Jude admitted he hated it. Willem now has occasional casual sex with women he meets through his work. Jude and Willem have purchased an apartment in London together, and Willem is encouraged by the fact that Jude has finally started going to therapy. By the autumn, Jude's mobility is deteriorating. By Christmas, he starts using his wheelchair almost constantly, but in the months that follow, he is deeply happy as Willem's career reaches new heights and he wins a major award. Jude turns 47 that spring and is feeling mentally healthy, even as his legs are worse than ever. He is now spending many hours a week tending to his health, and he discontinues therapy to have more time for his other appointments. In September, Jude experiences a serious infection and has a slow recovery. At Christmas, Jude attempts to go on a walk with Harold and ends up collapsing. He finally accepts that he is disabled and needs to stop deluding himself.
Throughout the spring, before and after Jude's 48th birthday, he continues to suffer infections. By July, Andy recommends that Jude have his legs amputated. Andy explains that amputation will eventually be inevitable and it is better if they do it voluntarily rather than waiting for an infection severe enough to require it. He thinks the amputation will greatly lessen Jude's pain and improve his quality of life. The surgery is scheduled for late August, a few weeks after Willem's fiftieth birthday. Jude's recovery is complicated, but by November, he is able to gather with the people he loves most. Jude is still occasionally haunted by memories of trauma, but he clings to all the happy things he now has in his life. The narrative also provides Willem's perspective on this period: he was terrified by Jude's constant suffering and the illness that he experienced. When they celebrate Willem's 51st birthday, almost a year after Jude's amputation, he is able to move around easily with his new prostheses. That autumn, Willem films in Europe, and in December, he and Jude meet up in Spain for a vacation. Willem surprises him with a private visit to the Alhambra, which Jude has always dreamed of seeing. Back in New York, their life has a happier rhythm than it has had in years.
Willem is filming in Europe at the time of Jude's 50th birthday, but he returns by the summer. They spend most of their time at their house upstate that summer, blissfully happy together. That August, Willem goes to pick up Malcolm and Sophie from the train station when they come to visit. Jude is at home preparing dinner for all of them. As they drive home, their car is hit by a truck.
Analysis
The fear and grief of nearly losing Jude after his suicide attempt leads to Willem reflecting on the nature of their relationship. At this point, Willem is wildly successful and has achieved everything he has ever wanted. He is also old enough to be self-aware and truly understand what is important to him. From this vantage point, Willem understands that Jude is the person who makes him happiest and the only person with whom he can truly imagine sharing his life. Willem displays a modern and somewhat unconventional attitude towards sexuality in that while he has never identified as gay and has primarily been in relationships with women, he unhesitatingly decides to pursue a romantic relationship with Jude. Willem is also not afraid of any impact on his career because he is unashamed of his feelings and wants to pursue a relationship with someone he truly loves. Willem's vulnerability and openness contrast with how guarded and repressed Jude is. Willem takes emotional risks, tells the truth about what he is feeling, and offers his whole self to Jude. This dynamic illustrates not only why the two of them complement each other, but also why they will face challenges in their relationship.
As Jude and Willem explore the new dynamic of their relationship, Jude becomes simultaneously more open and more guarded. He begins to gradually confide some details of his past to Willem, but he also hides the fact that he hates having sex. Jude knows that part of what defines the transition from him and Willem being friends to being lovers is physical intimacy. He desperately wants to please Willem, and he is also seeking a kind of normalcy for himself. However, Jude still doesn't understand that secrets erode intimacy. While Willem can't figure out why something is off about their new relationship, he is astute enough to know that Jude is hiding something, and this makes him increasingly frustrated. Even as friends, Willem always wanted more trust and intimacy from Jude; as romantic partners, his hopes and expectations only increase. Willem's horror at Jude's self-harming reflects his tenderness towards Jude's body, as well as his fears about almost having lost Jude in the past. The two of them are trapped in a destructive cycle: the more Jude tries to placate Willem with sex, the more he needs to self-harm, and the angrier and more confused Willem becomes.
Jude resists disclosing his full past to Willem for the longest time possible. Even though they have moved to a more intimate stage of their relationship and Willem is always patient and loving with him, Jude cannot feel comfortable opening up until a confrontation forces his hand. Jude's history is so traumatic that it has to be dragged and ripped out of him, reflecting the damage that was done to him. Because the incidents with Brother Luke and Caleb have already been so horrific, the details of what happened with Dr. Traylor reveal the full scope of a pattern in which Jude has constantly victimized by predators. Ever since he was a child, Jude has felt a lack of self-worth, and individuals who want to prey on him can sense this. When Dr. Traylor picked Jude up from the gas station, he could see that Jude was alone and unprotected, and he knew he could literally abduct the young boy without anyone missing him. This pattern of abuse confirms why Jude finds himself unable to trust anyone unless they display constant loyalty to him over a long period of time. While the scars from what he suffered from Brother Luke were all psychological, the encounter with Dr. Traylor permanently destroys Jude's body. He describes the moment he was hit with the car as the moment he became an adult, which means that, in Jude's mind, his whole experience of life as an adult has been a constant pattern of physical agony and reliving one of the most traumatic episodes of his life.
Although Jude resists disclosure and full intimacy with Willem for so long, the ultimate release is liberating. He and Willem now have better communication, which leads to Jude eventually being able to disclose that he hates having sex. While Willem is grieved, he respects Jude's boundaries. The omission of sex from their relationship reflects the novel's project of asking readers to question what love, relationships, and family have to look like. Jude is adopted into a family as an adult and chooses a particularly intimate form of friendship to be the central relationship in his life. These outcomes don't reflect the more typical structure of a biological family, a romantic partner largely defined by a sexualized relationship, nor, perhaps, the possibility of children. None of the four friends pursue this model: they make more unconventional choices. The increasing stability of Jude and Willem's relationship keeps him grounded even as his health seems to be deteriorating. While the amputation of Jude's legs seems like yet another blow, it actually has a liberating effect. He is now happier and healthier than he has been in years. Symbolically, Jude's amputation seems to sever him from his need to live in the past and shut people out. Because Jude does not have to look at a physical memento of his trauma every day, and because he now knows that Willem will love him even knowing the full truth of who he is, Jude can achieve a deep form of tranquility in his late forties.
The tragic deaths of Willem, Malcolm, and Sophie are shocking because they are juxtaposed with a period of peace and happiness. Willem and Jude are wealthy, successful, and content. Especially with Jude's improved health, they are potentially looking at years of a happy life together. All of that is cruelly snatched away through a random accident. While many of the other things that happen to Jude result from cruelty and malice, the loss of Willem seems to suggest that the universe is truly aligned against him. No one was purposefully trying to hurt Jude or Willem, but pain seems to be unavoidable for him. As soon as something good appears in his life, it is snatched away.
