E-Text

As You Like It

Act II

SCENE I. The Forest of Arden


[Enter DUKE Senior, AMIENS, and other LORDS, in the dress of foresters.]

DUKE SENIOR

Now, my co-mates and brothers in exile,

Hath not old custom made this life more sweet

Than that of painted pomp? Are not these woods

More free from peril than the envious court?

Here feel we not the penalty of Adam, -

The seasons' difference: as the icy fang

And churlish chiding of the winter's wind,

Which when it bites and blows upon my body,

Even till I shrink with cold, I smile and say,

"This is no flattery: these are counsellors

That feelingly persuade me what I am."

Sweet are the uses of adversity;

Which, like the toad, ugly and venomous,

Wears yet a precious jewel in his head;

And this our life, exempt from public haunt,

Finds tongues in trees, books in the running brooks,

Sermons in stones, and good in everything.

I would not change it.


AMIENS

Happy is your grace,

That can translate the stubbornness of fortune

Into so quiet and so sweet a style.


DUKE SENIOR

Come, shall we go and kill us venison?

And yet it irks me, the poor dappled fools,

Being native burghers of this desert city,

Should, in their own confines, with forked heads

Have their round haunches gor'd.


FIRST LORD

Indeed, my lord,

The melancholy Jaques grieves at that;

And, in that kind, swears you do more usurp

Than doth your brother that hath banish'd you.

To-day my lord of Amiens and myself

Did steal behind him as he lay along

Under an oak, whose antique root peeps out

Upon the brook that brawls along this wood:

To the which place a poor sequester'd stag,

That from the hunter's aim had ta'en a hurt,

Did come to languish; and, indeed, my lord,

The wretched animal heav'd forth such groans,

That their discharge did stretch his leathern coat

Almost to bursting; and the big round tears

Cours'd one another down his innocent nose

In piteous chase: and thus the hairy fool,

Much markèd of the melancholy Jaques,

Stood on the extremest verge of the swift brook,

Augmenting it with tears.


DUKE SENIOR

But what said Jaques?

Did he not moralize this spectacle?


FIRST LORD

O, yes, into a thousand similes.

First, for his weeping into the needless stream;

"Poor deer," quoth he "thou mak'st a testament

As worldlings do, giving thy sum of more

To that which had too much:" then, being there alone,

Left and abandoned of his velvet friends;

"'Tis right"; quoth he; "thus misery doth part

The flux of company:" anon, a careless herd,

Full of the pasture, jumps along by him

And never stays to greet him; "Ay," quoth Jaques,

"Sweep on, you fat and greasy citizens;

'Tis just the fashion; wherefore do you look

Upon that poor and broken bankrupt there?"

Thus most invectively he pierceth through

The body of the country, city, court,

Yea, and of this our life: swearing that we

Are mere usurpers, tyrants, and what's worse,

To fright the animals, and to kill them up

In their assign'd and native dwelling-place.


DUKE SENIOR

And did you leave him in this contemplation?


SECOND LORD

We did, my lord, weeping and commenting

Upon the sobbing deer.


DUKE SENIOR

Show me the place:

I love to cope him in these sullen fits,

For then he's full of matter.


FIRST LORD

I'll bring you to him straight.


[Exeunt.]




SCENE II. A Room in the Palace


[Enter DUKE FREDERICK, Lords, and Attendants.]

DUKE FREDERICK

Can it be possible that no man saw them?

It cannot be: some villains of my court

Are of consent and sufferance in this.


FIRST LORD

I cannot hear of any that did see her.

The ladies, her attendants of her chamber,

Saw her a-bed; and in the morning early

They found the bed untreasur'd of their mistress.


SECOND LORD

My lord, the roynish clown, at whom so oft

Your grace was wont to laugh, is also missing.

Hesperia, the princess' gentlewoman,

Confesses that she secretly o'erheard

Your daughter and her cousin much commend

The parts and graces of the wrestler

That did but lately foil the sinewy Charles;

And she believes, wherever they are gone,

That youth is surely in their company.


DUKE FREDERICK

Send to his brother; fetch that gallant hither:

If he be absent, bring his brother to me,

I'll make him find him: do this suddenly;

And let not search and inquisition quail

To bring again these foolish runaways.


[Exeunt.]




SCENE III. Before OLIVER'S House


[Enter ORLANDO and ADAM, meeting.]

ORLANDO

Who's there?


ADAM

What, my young master? - O my gentle master!

O my sweet master! O you memory

Of old Sir Rowland! why, what make you here?

Why are you virtuous? why do people love you?

And wherefore are you gentle, strong, and valiant?

Why would you be so fond to overcome

The bonny prizer of the humorous duke?

Your praise is come too swiftly home before you.

Know you not, master, to some kind of men

Their graces serve them but as enemies?

No more do yours; your virtues, gentle master,

Are sanctified and holy traitors to you.

O, what a world is this, when what is comely

Envenoms him that bears it!


ORLANDO

Why, what's the matter?


ADAM

O unhappy youth,

Come not within these doors; within this roof

The enemy of all your graces lives:

Your brother, - no, no brother; yet the son -

Yet not the son; I will not call him son -

Of him I was about to call his father, -

Hath heard your praises; and this night he means

To burn the lodging where you use to lie,

And you within it: if he fail of that,

He will have other means to cut you off;

I overheard him and his practices.

This is no place; this house is but a butchery:

Abhor it, fear it, do not enter it.


ORLANDO

Why, whither, Adam, wouldst thou have me go?


ADAM

No matter whither, so you come not here.


ORLANDO

What, wouldst thou have me go and beg my food?

Or with a base and boisterous sword enforce

A thievish living on the common road?

This I must do, or know not what to do:

Yet this I will not do, do how I can:

I rather will subject me to the malice

Of a diverted blood and bloody brother.


ADAM

But do not so. I have five hundred crowns,

The thrifty hire I sav'd under your father,

Which I did store to be my foster-nurse,

When service should in my old limbs lie lame,

And unregarded age in corners thrown;

Take that: and He that doth the ravens feed,

Yea, providently caters for the sparrow,

Be comfort to my age! Here is the gold;

All this I give you. Let me be your servant;

Though I look old, yet I am strong and lusty:

For in my youth I never did apply

Hot and rebellious liquors in my blood;

Nor did not with unbashful forehead woo

The means of weakness and debility;

Therefore my age is as a lusty winter,

Frosty, but kindly: let me go with you;

I'll do the service of a younger man

In all your business and necessities.


ORLANDO

O good old man; how well in thee appears

The constant service of the antique world,

When service sweat for duty, not for meed!

Thou art not for the fashion of these times,

Where none will sweat but for promotion;

And having that, do choke their service up

Even with the having: it is not so with thee.

But, poor old man, thou prun'st a rotten tree,

That cannot so much as a blossom yield

In lieu of all thy pains and husbandry:

But come thy ways, we'll go along together;

And ere we have thy youthful wages spent

We'll light upon some settled low content.


ADAM

Master, go on; and I will follow thee

To the last gasp, with truth and loyalty. -

From seventeen years till now almost fourscore

Here lived I, but now live here no more.

At seventeen years many their fortunes seek;

But at fourscore it is too late a week:

Yet fortune cannot recompense me better

Than to die well and not my master's debtor.


[Exeunt.]




SCENE IV. The Forest of Arden


[Enter ROSALIND in boy's clothes, CELIA dressed like a shepherdess, and TOUCHSTONE.]

ROSALIND

O Jupiter! how weary are my spirits!


TOUCHSTONE

I care not for my spirits, if my legs were not weary.


ROSALIND

I could find in my heart to disgrace my man's apparel, and to cry like a woman; but I must comfort the weaker vessel, as doublet and hose ought to show itself courageous to petticoat; therefore, courage, good Aliena.


CELIA

I pray you bear with me; I can go no further.


TOUCHSTONE

For my part, I had rather bear with you than bear you: yet I should bear no cross if I did bear you; for I think you have no money in your purse.


ROSALIND

Well, this is the forest of Arden.


TOUCHSTONE

Ay, now am I in Arden: the more fool I; when I was at home I was in a better place; but travellers must be content.


ROSALIND

Ay, be so, good Touchstone. - Look you, who comes here?, a young man and an old in solemn talk.


[Enter CORIN and SILVIUS.]

CORIN

That is the way to make her scorn you still.


SILVIUS

O Corin, that thou knew'st how I do love her!


CORIN

I partly guess; for I have lov'd ere now.


SILVIUS

No, Corin, being old, thou canst not guess;

Though in thy youth thou wast as true a lover

As ever sigh'd upon a midnight pillow:

But if thy love were ever like to mine, -

As sure I think did never man love so, -

How many actions most ridiculous

Hast thou been drawn to by thy fantasy?


CORIN

Into a thousand that I have forgotten.


SILVIUS

O, thou didst then never love so heartily:

If thou remember'st not the slightest folly

That ever love did make thee run into,

Thou hast not lov'd:

Or if thou hast not sat as I do now,

Wearing thy hearer in thy mistress' praise,

Thou hast not lov'd:

Or if thou hast not broke from company

Abruptly, as my passion now makes me,

Thou hast not lov'd: O Phebe, Phebe, Phebe!


[Exit Silvius.]

ROSALIND

Alas, poor shepherd! searching of thy wound,

I have by hard adventure found mine own.


TOUCHSTONE

And I mine. I remember, when I was in love, I broke my sword upon a stone, and bid him take that for coming a-night to Jane Smile: and I remember the kissing of her batlet, and the cow's dugs that her pretty chapp'd hands had milk'd: and I remember the wooing of a peascod instead of her; from whom I took two cods, and giving her them again, said with weeping tears, "Wear these for my sake." We that are true lovers run into strange capers; but as all is mortal in nature, so is all nature in love mortal in folly.


ROSALIND

Thou speak'st wiser than thou art 'ware of.


TOUCHSTONE

Nay, I shall ne'er be 'ware of mine own wit till I break my shins against it.


ROSALIND

Jove, Jove! this shepherd's passion

Is much upon my fashion.


TOUCHSTONE

And mine: but it grows something stale with me.


CELIA

I pray you, one of you question yond man

If he for gold will give us any food:

I faint almost to death.


TOUCHSTONE

Holla, you clown!


ROSALIND

Peace, fool; he's not thy kinsman.


CORIN

Who calls?


TOUCHSTONE

Your betters, sir.


CORIN

Else are they very wretched.


ROSALIND

Peace, I say. -

Good even to you, friend.


CORIN

And to you, gentle sir, and to you all.


ROSALIND

I pr'ythee, shepherd, if that love or gold

Can in this desert place buy entertainment,

Bring us where we may rest ourselves and feed:

Here's a young maid with travel much oppress'd,

And faints for succour.


CORIN

Fair sir, I pity her,

And wish, for her sake more than for mine own,

My fortunes were more able to relieve her:

But I am shepherd to another man,

And do not shear the fleeces that I graze:

My master is of churlish disposition,

And little recks to find the way to heaven

By doing deeds of hospitality:

Besides, his cote, his flocks, and bounds of feed,

Are now on sale; and at our sheepcote now,

By reason of his absence, there is nothing

That you will feed on; but what is, come see,

And in my voice most welcome shall you be.


ROSALIND

What is he that shall buy his flock and pasture?


CORIN

That young swain that you saw here but erewhile,

That little cares for buying anything.


ROSALIND

I pray thee, if it stand with honesty,

Buy thou the cottage, pasture, and the flock,

And thou shalt have to pay for it of us.


CELIA

And we will mend thy wages. I like this place,

And willingly could waste my time in it.


CORIN

Assuredly the thing is to be sold:

Go with me: if you like, upon report,

The soil, the profit, and this kind of life,

I will your very faithful feeder be,

And buy it with your gold right suddenly.


[Exeunt.]




SCENE V. Another part of the Forest


[Enter AMIENS, JAQUES, and others.]

AMIENS


[SONG]

Under the greenwood tree,

Who loves to lie with me,

And turn his merry note

Unto the sweet bird's throat,

Come hither, come hither, come hither;

Here shall he see

No enemy

But winter and rough weather.


JAQUES

More, more, I pr'ythee, more.


AMIENS

It will make you melancholy, Monsieur Jaques.


JAQUES

I thank it. More, I pr'ythee, more. I can suck melancholy out of a song, as a weasel sucks eggs. More, I pr'ythee, more.


AMIENS

My voice is ragged; I know I cannot please you.


JAQUES

I do not desire you to please me; I do desire you to sing. Come, more: another stanza. Call you them stanzas?


AMIENS

What you will, Monsieur Jaques.


JAQUES

Nay, I care not for their names; they owe me nothing. Will you sing?


AMIENS

More at your request than to please myself.


JAQUES

Well then, if ever I thank any man, I'll thank you: but that they call compliment is like the encounter of two dog-apes; and when a man thanks me heartily, methinks have given him a penny, and he renders me the beggarly thanks. Come, sing; and you that will not, hold your tongues.


AMIENS

Well, I'll end the song. - Sirs, cover the while: the duke will drink under this tree: - he hath been all this day to look you.


JAQUES

And I have been all this day to avoid him. He is too disputable for my company: I think of as many matters as he; but I give heaven thanks, and make no boast of them. Come, warble, come.


[SONG. All together here.]

Who doth ambition shun,

And loves to live i' the sun,

Seeking the food he eats,

And pleas'd with what he gets,

Come hither, come hither, come hither.

Here shall he see

No enemy

But winter and rough weather.


JAQUES

I'll give you a verse to this note that I made yesterday in despite of my invention.


AMIENS

And I'll sing it.


JAQUES

Thus it goes:


If it do come to pass

That any man turn ass,

Leaving his wealth and ease

A stubborn will to please,

Ducdame, ducdame, ducdame;

Here shall he see

Gross fools as he,

An if he will come to me.


AMIENS

What's that "ducdame?"


JAQUES

'Tis a Greek invocation, to call fools into a circle. I'll go sleep, if I can; if I cannot, I'll rail against all the first-born of Egypt.


AMIENS

And I'll go seek the duke; his banquet is prepared.


[Exeunt severally.]




SCENE VI. Another part of the Forest


[Enter ORLANDO and ADAM.]

ADAM

Dear master, I can go no further: O, I die for food! Here lie I down, and measure out my grave. Farewell, kind master.


ORLANDO

Why, how now, Adam! no greater heart in thee? Live a little; comfort a little; cheer thyself a little. If this uncouth forest yield anything savage, I will either be food for it or bring it for food to thee. Thy conceit is nearer death than thy powers. For my sake be comfortable: hold death awhile at the arm's end: I will here be with thee presently; and if I bring thee not something to eat, I'll give thee leave to die: but if thou diest before I come, thou art a mocker of my labour. Well said! thou look'st cheerily: and I'll be with thee quickly. - Yet thou liest in the bleak air: come, I will bear thee to some shelter; and thou shalt not die for lack of a dinner if there live anything in this desert. Cheerily, good Adam!


[Exeunt.]




SCENE VII. Another part of the Forest


[A table set. Enter DUKE Senior, AMIENS, and others.]

DUKE SENIOR

I think he be transform'd into a beast;

For I can nowhere find him like a man.


FIRST LORD

My lord, he is but even now gone hence;

Here was he merry, hearing of a song.


DUKE SENIOR

If he, compact of jars, grow musical,

We shall have shortly discord in the spheres.

Go, seek him; tell him I would speak with him.


FIRST LORD

He saves my labour by his own approach.


[Enter JAQUES.]

DUKE SENIOR

Why, how now, monsieur! what a life is this,

That your poor friends must woo your company?

What! you look merrily!


JAQUES

A fool, a fool! - I met a fool i' the forest,

A motley fool; - a miserable world! -

As I do live by food, I met a fool,

Who laid him down and bask'd him in the sun,

And rail'd on Lady Fortune in good terms,

In good set terms, - and yet a motley fool.

"Good morrow, fool," quoth I: "No, sir," quoth he,

"Call me not fool till heaven hath sent me fortune."

And then he drew a dial from his poke,

And, looking on it with lack-lustre eye,

Says very wisely, "It is ten o'clock:

Thus we may see," quoth he, "how the world wags;

'Tis but an hour ago since it was nine;

And after one hour more 'twill be eleven;

And so, from hour to hour, we ripe and ripe,

And then, from hour to hour, we rot and rot;

And thereby hangs a tale." When I did hear

The motley fool thus moral on the time,

My lungs began to crow like chanticleer,

That fools should be so deep contemplative;

And I did laugh sans intermission

An hour by his dial. - O noble fool!

A worthy fool! - Motley's the only wear.


DUKE SENIOR

What fool is this?


JAQUES

O worthy fool! - One that hath been a courtier,

And says, if ladies be but young and fair,

They have the gift to know it: and in his brain, -

Which is as dry as the remainder biscuit

After a voyage, - he hath strange places cramm'd

With observation, the which he vents

In mangled forms.-O that I were a fool!

I am ambitious for a motley coat.


DUKE SENIOR

Thou shalt have one.


JAQUES

It is my only suit,

Provided that you weed your better judgments

Of all opinion that grows rank in them

That I am wise. I must have liberty

Withal, as large a charter as the wind,

To blow on whom I please; for so fools have:

And they that are most gallèd with my folly,

They most must laugh. And why, sir, must they so?

The "why" is plain as way to parish church:

He that a fool doth very wisely hit

Doth very foolishly, although he smart,

Not to seem senseless of the bob; if not,

The wise man's folly is anatomiz'd

Even by the squandering glances of the fool.

Invest me in my motley; give me leave

To speak my mind, and I will through and through

Cleanse the foul body of the infected world,

If they will patiently receive my medicine.


DUKE SENIOR

Fie on thee! I can tell what thou wouldst do.


JAQUES

What, for a counter, would I do but good?


DUKE SENIOR

Most mischievous foul sin, in chiding sin;

For thou thyself hast been a libertine,

As sensual as the brutish sting itself;

And all the embossèd sores and headed evils

That thou with license of free foot hast caught

Wouldst thou disgorge into the general world.


JAQUES

Why, who cries out on pride

That can therein tax any private party?

Doth it not flow as hugely as the sea,

Till that the weary very means do ebb?

What woman in the city do I name

When that I say, The city-woman bears

The cost of princes on unworthy shoulders?

Who can come in and say that I mean her,

When such a one as she, such is her neighbour?

Or what is he of basest function

That says his bravery is not on my cost, -

Thinking that I mean him, - but therein suits

His folly to the metal of my speech?

There then; how then? what then? Let me see wherein

My tongue hath wrong'd him: if it do him right,

Then he hath wrong'd himself; if he be free,

Why then, my taxing like a wild-goose flies,

Unclaim'd of any man. - But who comes here?


[Enter ORLANDO, with his sword drawn.]

ORLANDO

Forbear, and eat no more.


JAQUES

Why, I have eat none yet.


ORLANDO

Nor shalt not, till necessity be serv'd.


JAQUES

Of what kind should this cock come of?


DUKE SENIOR

Art thou thus bolden'd, man, by thy distress:

Or else a rude despiser of good manners,

That in civility thou seem'st so empty?


ORLANDO

You touch'd my vein at first: the thorny point

Of bare distress hath ta'en from me the show

Of smooth civility: yet am I inland bred,

And know some nurture. But forbear, I say;

He dies that touches any of this fruit

Till I and my affairs are answered.


JAQUES

An you will not be answered with reason, I must die.


DUKE SENIOR

What would you have? your gentleness shall force

More than your force move us to gentleness.


ORLANDO

I almost die for food, and let me have it.


DUKE SENIOR

Sit down and feed, and welcome to our table.


ORLANDO

Speak you so gently? Pardon me, I pray you:

I thought that all things had been savage here;

And therefore put I on the countenance

Of stern commandment. But whate'er you are

That in this desert inaccessible,

Under the shade of melancholy boughs,

Lose and neglect the creeping hours of time;

If ever you have look'd on better days,

If ever been where bells have knoll'd to church,

If ever sat at any good man's feast,

If ever from your eyelids wip'd a tear,

And know what 'tis to pity and be pitied,

Let gentleness my strong enforcement be:

In the which hope I blush, and hide my sword.


DUKE SENIOR

True is it that we have seen better days,

And have with holy bell been knoll'd to church,

And sat at good men's feasts, and wip'd our eyes

Of drops that sacred pity hath engender'd:

And therefore sit you down in gentleness,

And take upon command what help we have,

That to your wanting may be minister'd.


ORLANDO

Then but forbear your food a little while,

Whiles, like a doe, I go to find my fawn,

And give it food. There is an old poor man

Who after me hath many a weary step

Limp'd in pure love: till he be first suffic'd, -

Oppress'd with two weak evils, age and hunger, -

I will not touch a bit.


DUKE SENIOR

Go find him out.

And we will nothing waste till you return.


ORLANDO

I thank ye; and be blest for your good comfort!


[Exit.]

DUKE SENIOR

Thou seest we are not all alone unhappy;

This wide and universal theatre

Presents more woeful pageants than the scene

Wherein we play in.


JAQUES

All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances;

And one man in his time plays many parts,

His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,

Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms;

Then the whining school-boy, with his satchel

And shining morning face, creeping like snail

Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,

Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad

Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,

Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,

Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,

Seeking the bubble reputation

Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,

In fair round belly with good capon lin'd,

With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,

Full of wise saws and modern instances;

And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts

Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,

With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;

His youthful hose, well sav'd, a world too wide

For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,

Turning again toward childish treble, pipes

And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,

That ends this strange eventful history,

Is second childishness and mere oblivion;

Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.


[Re-enter ORLANDO with ADAM.]

DUKE SENIOR

Welcome. Set down your venerable burden,

And let him feed.


ORLANDO

I thank you most for him.


ADAM

So had you need;

I scarce can speak to thank you for myself.


DUKE SENIOR

Welcome; fall to: I will not trouble you

As yet, to question you about your fortunes. -

Give us some music; and, good cousin, sing.


[AMIENS sings.]

SONG


I.

Blow, blow, thou winter wind,

Thou art not so unkind

As man's ingratitude;

Thy tooth is not so keen,

Because thou art not seen,

Although thy breath be rude.

Heigh-ho! sing heigh-ho! unto the green holly:

Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:

Then, heigh-ho, the holly!

This life is most jolly.


II.

Freeze, freeze, thou bitter sky,

That dost not bite so nigh

As benefits forgot:

Though thou the waters warp,

Thy sting is not so sharp

As friend remember'd not.

Heigh-ho! sing heigh-ho! unto the green holly:

Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:

Then, heigh-ho, the holly!

This life is most jolly.


DUKE SENIOR

If that you were the good Sir Rowland's son, -

As you have whisper'd faithfully you were,

And as mine eye doth his effigies witness

Most truly limn'd and living in your face, -

Be truly welcome hither: I am the duke

That lov'd your father. The residue of your fortune,

Go to my cave and tell me. - Good old man,

Thou art right welcome as thy master is;

Support him by the arm. - Give me your hand,

And let me all your fortunes understand.


[Exeunt]

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