Summary
A wakes up in the body of Kelsea Cook, a girl struggling with severe depression. Over the years, A has inhabited the bodies of several people who struggle with mental health problems. Because of this, A understands how intense and debilitating mental health problems can be and has a deep respect for the strength of the people who live with these problems. Immediately, A can tell that Kelsea’s case of depression is a very serious one, likening it to a “black cloud.” Kelsea doesn’t have a close relationship with her father, who seems to be distracted and preoccupied, and her mother is not around. Kelsea also does not have a formal diagnosis of depression and has never received medical treatment. Throughout the day, A feels trapped in Kelsea’s black cloud of depression and struggles to keep it under control.
In science class, A surprises Kelsea’s lab partner, Lena, by being uncommonly engaged in their assignment. Lena responds with kindness, attempting to keep A engaged in conversation. This is the only outward show of kindness A experiences throughout the day. During lunch, A goes to the library to check for emails and sees that Rhiannon has sent a message asking who A's host is for the day. A replies and tells Rhiannon about Kelsea’s struggles with depression. Nathan has also responded to A’s email, writing that he is determined to find out A’s identity, and that a reverend is now assisting with the case. At the end of the email, Nathan urges A to “confess.”
After school, A goes to the park and decides to read Kelsea’s journal to better understand her depression. A is horrified to find Kelsea's detailed plans to end her life in the journal, with a deadline set for six days in the future. Although A has made a commitment to leave each person’s life as unaltered as possible, A is extremely conflicted about how to handle Kelsea’s situation. A does not want to unfairly take away Kelsea's agency by seeking out help, but the situation seems far more serious than any previous issues A has encountered with hosts. A decides to ask for Rhiannon’s advice, sending her an email with Kelsea’s home phone number. Back at Kelsea's house, A explains everything to Rhiannon on the phone, and Rhiannon decides to come over to help.
When Rhiannon arrives, she offers firm advice to A. In Rhiannon’s view, Kelsea’s mental illness should elicit the same urgent response as if she were bleeding in the street. Rhiannon tells A that the only option is to inform Kelsea’s father of the situation, and A eventually agrees. While spending time together, A and Rhiannon also discuss the unusual circumstances of their relationship. A tries to kiss Rhiannon, but Rhiannon says that the situation feels “weird” because A is inhabiting the body of a girl, because Rhiannon is still in a relationship with Justin, and because Kelsea’s perilous situation hangs over them. A and Rhiannon return to discussing the plan to save Kelsea.
Later that night, A tells Kelsea’s father that she is suicidal. A wishes that Kelsea could see her father’s emotional reaction, as it proves that Kelsea is loved. A explains that the situation is gravely serious and tells Kelsea’s father to remain firm over the next several days, even if Kelsea acts like she doesn't need help. A falls asleep to the sound of Kelsea’s father pacing and talking on the phone, presumably making plans to help his daughter.
The next day, A wakes up in the body of Hugo, whose boyfriend Austin is calling. When A picks up the phone, Austin says he will be over in an hour to pick up Hugo. Accessing Hugo's memories, A learns that Austin is taking Hugo to a gay pride event that day. A can hear Hugo’s parents speaking Portuguese in the house and accesses Hugo’s memories to learn that they are Brazilian. Although A has picked up a bit of several languages over the years, A is unable to understand or communicate in Portuguese. A avoids Hugo’s parents to prevent an awkward interaction.
Hugo has a laptop, so A checks for messages. An email from Rhiannon waits, telling A that she has called Kelsea’s house but received no answer. Rhiannon hopes this means that Kelsea and her father have gone to seek help. At the bottom of the email, Rhiannon has included a link to a news article entitled “The Devil Among Us!” The article includes Nathan’s story, but it also includes stories from five or six other people in the area who claim to have experienced demon possession. A is relieved to see that none of these people are familiar, and that they are older than A. More concerning is the inclusion of quotes from a reverend named Anderson Poole, who supports Nathan's claims and asserts that modern society has left the door open for devil possession. Before leaving Hugo’s house, A emails Rhiannon back and lets her know about the pride event, hoping that she’ll show up. Against A’s better judgment, A then sends an email to Nathan Daldry that reads “I am not the devil.”
At the pride parade, A continuously looks for Rhiannon but does not see her. Hugo’s boyfriend, Austin, notices this strange behavior and becomes upset. A learns that Austin and Hugo began their relationship at this event the previous year, making this day their anniversary. Incredibly hurt that Hugo seems distant and disengaged, Austin picks a fight. When it seems like Austin is on the verge of breaking up with Hugo, A starts to panic and becomes afraid of leaving Hugo’s life permanently changed. A attempts to reconcile with Austin, and the two end up having a good time for the rest of the parade. Throughout the day, however, A encounters homophobic protesters and cannot understand their hate. As a result of switching bodies each day, A has learned to fall in love with individuals, not genders. To A, “desire is desire, love is love” (142). A hopes that Rhiannon’s hesitation to kiss A the previous day was more a result of the other challenges than the fact that A's host body was female at the time.
When A gets home another email from Rhiannon is waiting. Rhiannon apologizes that she could not make it to the pride event and says she hopes to see A tomorrow. A also sees an email from Nathan Daldry, consisting of just two words: “prove it.”
The next day, A wakes up in the body of a girl named Ashley, who is so attractive that A compares her to Beyoncé. A usually feels most comfortable in the bodies of moderately attractive people, as they tend to move through life without drawing too much unwanted attention. A is aware that Ashley’s attractiveness must shape her reality and reflects on how much power beauty has.
Rhiannon sends an email asking to meet, and A happily agrees. Rhiannon and A then drive to the forest to have a picnic, and A sees that Rhiannon has packed a large assortment of vegetarian food. During their picnic, A and Rhiannon tell each other all about their individual lives. A’s unique existence fascinates Rhiannon, but Rhiannon’s ordinary existence is just as interesting to A. Rhiannon asks if A has ever been in love before, and A tells Rhiannon about a short-lived online relationship with a boy named Brennan. A met Brennan while inhabiting the body of a boy named Ian, and the two made a connection. After creating an email address and social media profile for Ian, A assumed Ian’s identity online in order to continue talking to Brennan. When Brennan began to want more out of the relationship, however, A realized that things needed to end. After this, A resolved to abstain from these types of relationships, until meeting Rhiannon. Eventually, the conversation turns to Rhiannon’s relationship with Justin, which causes a minor disagreement. Rhiannon says that A couldn’t possibly understand Justin so well after only one day. A insists that Justin does not truly love Rhiannon and suggests that Justin would easily cheat on Rhiannon with Ashley, given the chance. Rhiannon disagrees and decides to plan a dinner with Justin to prove A wrong.
A and Rhiannon head to the restaurant and arrive before Justin. When Justin arrives and sees how attractive Ashley is, he has a clear and visible reaction. Rhiannon ignores this, however, and greets him normally. Throughout the dinner, A flirts with Justin shamelessly, trying to expose his shortcomings to Rhiannon. Justin is clearly attracted to Ashley, but he refrains from any serious transgression. When Rhiannon goes to the bathroom, A decides to make a more obvious offer to Justin, but Justin surprisingly refuses and shows devotion to Rhiannon. Rhiannon returns, clearly upset with the whole situation. Justin is indignant, criticizing “Ashley’s” blatant disregard for Rhiannon, and he storms off. Afterward, A tries to apologize to Rhiannon again, but Rhiannon remains upset. Again, Rhiannon asserts that A does not understand her connection with Justin, insinuating that A is naive and inexperienced when it comes to real relationships. A tries to pay for the dinner, but Rhiannon refuses because the money would be Ashley’s, not A’s. A can tell that Rhiannon wants to leave so she can smooth things over with Justin. The night ends on a disappointing note.
Analysis
Levithan's inclusion of Kelsea's story presents an important and empathetic portrayal of teen mental health. Due to A's unique perspective as a disembodied spirit, A has learned that mental health problems are "as much a part of the body as its eye color or voice," and that "the cause of the feelings [are] a matter of chemistry, biology" (119). With these statements, A critiques the misconception that mental health struggles are the sufferer's fault, instead highlighting the "uncommon strength" of the people who fight these difficult battles (119). Levithan's handling of Kelsea's story has garnered critical praise. In his New York Times review of the novel, Frank Bruni writes that Kelsea's story “demonstrates Levithan’s talent for empathy, which is paired in the best parts of the book with a persuasive optimism about the odds for happiness and for true love.”
Levithan's metaphor likening depression to "a black cloud" or " a black dog" is particularly insightful and effective (121). Levithan places Kelsea's depression in the "black cloud" category, meaning Kelsea is "surrounded by it, immersed within it, and there is no obvious way out" (121). The "black cloud" refers to untreated depression, the kind that relentlessly hangs around the sufferer, causing deep hopelessness and despair. On the other hand, the "black dog" refers to treated depression, the kind that becomes manageable, even though it may be still be chronic. With Kelsea's story, Levithan maintains the hope that depression can transform from the black cloud into the black dog, that those who struggle with mental health can become empowered and regain control of their lives, with the right help. A's difficult decision to get Kelsey that help sets this process in motion, and though Levithan leaves the conclusion of Kelsey's story somewhat open-ended, it does end on a hopeful note.
With the depiction of A's day at the gay pride event, Levithan expands upon the themes of religion and LGBTQ identity. At the parade, A encounters protesters holding homophobic signs, one of which reading "Homosexuality is the devil's work" (142). This sign leads A to reflect on bigotry, concluding that "people use the devil as an alias for the things they fear" (142). Having experienced the world from so many perspectives, A has learned that "desire is desire" and "love is love" (142). This chapter also reveals more about A's sexuality—A has "never fallen in love with a gender," but instead falls "for individuals" (142). This description seems to align most closely to the definition of pansexuality, though A never expressly uses the label.
While inhabiting Ashley's body, A makes several interesting observations about attractiveness. A claims to be "happiest" when occupying host bodies that are "just attractive enough" (148). This is because having a life "defined by" extreme attractiveness "brings its own perils as well as its own rewards" (148). When A leverages Ashley's attractiveness in an attempt to break up Justin and Rhiannon, A does, in fact, end up in a perilous situation. Although A attempts to drive a wedge between Rhiannon and Justin, the plan has the opposite effect, causing a rift between Rhiannon and A. This unintended consequence highlights the dangers of wielding attractiveness as a weapon, as well as the dangers of using the hosts as pawns in A's relationship with Rhiannon.
Another source of tension in A and Rhiannon's relationship is A's constant criticism of Justin, as well as A's inability to understand why Rhiannon remains in her previous relationship. A's comments of this nature frustrate Rhiannon, as she believes A does not understand the nuances of the situation. Although Rhiannon recognizes the wisdom that comes with A's perspective, she also points out A's tendency toward naivety when it comes to lasting relationships. In this regard, A is inexperienced, as none of A's connections have ever exceeded 24 hours in length. This situation reveals some of the more negative effects of A's condition as a disembodied spirit; A does possess immense empathy, understanding, and morality as a result of this unique existence, but lacks some insight when it comes to the nuances of long-term relationships.
