"For Women Who Are 'Difficult' to Love" is a poem by British writer and poet Warsan Shire about the problems experienced by women whose partners seek to limit their expression of self. Published on Shire's blog in 2012, the poem describes a relationship in which the speaker's male counterpart has described her as "difficult to love," unkindly referring to her as various wild things. Shire was born in Kenya to parents of Somali descent. She is politically active and often writes poetry about the struggles of African immigrants. She won the Brunel University African Poetry prize in 2013, and has published her poetry in several major publications including Poetry Review, Sable LitMag, and Long Journeys: African Migrants on the Road. Shire's poetry earned mainstream recognition when it was featured in Beyoncé Knowles's visual album, Lemonade. Her poems often feature speakers who are trying to find love and fulfillment in romantic or familial relationships, but have their efforts blocked in some way. This particular poem explores how the speaker's unstable relationship with her partner has limited her ability to express herself. Her partner is frightened by the intensity that he perceives in her. As a result, she attempts to placate him by minimizing the parts of herself that he finds objectionable, making herself "softer" and "prettier." As the poem's title suggests, it captures the way in which so-called "difficult" women are constantly asked to fundamentally change themselves by the men who claim to love them.
The poem begins with a woman's partner comparing her to unruly and wild things, before saying he cannot imagine being without her. He is overwhelmed and frightened by her. He finds her intensity off-putting but cannot let her go. At the same time, he complains that he cannot live up to the expectations she holds in her head. The speaker states that the woman has tried to be different, but knows it would not really change things. The speaker says the woman knows that people are not "homes" and that if her partner wants to leave, she should let him. The poem ends with the speaker's validation of the woman as extraordinary and otherworldly, qualities that she should not sacrifice to appease a man. The poem is written in free verse without a rhyme scheme, giving the impression of a direct address or consolation. Shire also uses powerful sensory details to accurately convey the emotional intensity of the crumbling relationships she depicts.
