Summary
The poem shifts focus to the woman and her experience of the relationship. The man claims she has unreasonable expectations. The speaker says that the woman has tried to change by minimizing herself, to no avail. The speaker then adds that the woman could tell the man was drifting away from her, and proceeds to offer some words of conciliation. She tells the woman to let him leave if he wants to, as she is something special that not everyone can understand or love.
Analysis
In the poem's second half, it becomes primarily about the woman, moving away from the harsh rebukes and internal struggle of the man. Instead, the speaker addresses how the woman has tried to cope with the criticisms the man has leveled at her, while also capturing the crumbling of the relationship. By the end, however, the poem ends on a note of resiliency, expressing the importance of the woman's self-worth and uniqueness.
The second section begins with one final verbal jab from the man: "he tells you that no man can live up to the one who / lives in your head." He seems to be pushing back on the idea that his frustrations with her are unreasonable, as she is projecting unreasonable expectations onto him as well. The validity of this observation is called into question by the fact that the speaker does not confirm it. The speaker's tone changes significantly as she depicts the gestures of concession that the woman tried to make to the man: "and you tried to change didn't you? / closed your mouth more / tried to be softer / prettier / less volatile, less awake." She is showing the effort the woman made to be different, while also taking note of the fact that all of these efforts ("softer," "less awake") are essentially about minimizing and diminishing who she actually is, becoming more agreeable and less "difficult." The speaker also notes that these attempts are not successful: "but even when sleeping you could feel / him travelling away from you in his dreams." Regardless of what she does, the woman knows intuitively that the man is moving away from her. She is telling the woman that these efforts will be wasted either way. The speaker then addresses the woman more directly: "so what did you want to do, love / split his head open?" The tone the speaker employs here is a bit lighter, suggesting that there is little more she could do, short of actually "splitting" open his head, to change this outcome. The use of the word "love" subtly demonstrates the sympathy and affection the speaker clearly feels for the woman.
In the next two lines, the speaker tells the woman: "you can't make homes out of human beings / someone should have already told you that," advising her that people are not places in which to take up residence, implying that they are too changeable to rely on. She is emphasizing the importance of the woman loving herself before trying to find someone else, reminding her not to depend solely on someone else's validation. She continues: "and if he wants to leave / then let him leave." The speaker is commenting on the fact that if the man cannot really see the woman for who she is, it is not worth trying to get him to stay in the first place. The closing three lines are a reaffirmation of the woman's value: "you are terrifying / and strange and beautiful / something not everyone knows how to love." She calls the woman "terrifying," "strange," and "beautiful" to emphasize the qualities that make her so unique while stating that, for this reason, she is "something not everyone knows how to love." These final lines are essentially the thesis statement of the poem. The woman is unusual and intense, but the speaker takes the opposite view of the man, telling her to never diminish these attributes to appease a man. The phrase "not everyone" also suggests that there are people who would appreciate this about her; it is just something of which this particular man is incapable.
While the poem takes many emotional twists and turns, it is, at its heart, a validation of a woman's right to be herself. In portraying the man's fear and attempts to suppress the woman, Shire demonstrates the duress placed on women who are labeled "difficult." In its closing section, the speaker takes on a more active role, seeking to provide support to the woman, asking her to recognize herself as something special. The poem moves from being about the misshapen love that the man has for the woman, to the self-love the speaker seems to believe the woman should actually pursue. Shire seems to state the belief that women who are told that they are too "difficult" to love should never alter themselves just to please someone else.
