Jealousy
In his various romances and friendships, Proust demonstrates a strong capacity for jealousy. He throws himself into his relationships with reckless abandon, often resulting in immediate vulnerability with a practical stranger and an almost inevitable disappointment. Proust has high standards for his lovers, demanding perfect fidelity and modesty, but he manages to fall for promiscuous women every time. He is repeatedly disappointed by women, first Gilberte, then Albertine, and then Gilberte a second time. Although he doesn't recognize his jealousy or the ridiculous nature of his actions, Proust, under the influence of jealousy, forces Albertine to remain his prisoner in Paris. She is not allowed to leave the home unaccompanied nor to have any friends or conversations with strangers without his express permission. After growing tired of the seclusion, especially considering her former reputation as a flirt, Albertine leaves without notice. Proust is devastated, but he satisfies himself by learning that she has died and not pursued another lover. His pride would not have withstood the insult of a rival. Repeatedly, in his romantic relationships, Proust reaches out to control his love interests without regard for their autonomy because he is threatened by the authority which jealousy has over him.
Memory
Proust writes these volumes as a way of grabbing hold of his memories, a nearly desperate attempt to communicate a beauty which Proust sees in his life story but which he struggles to communicate. This is not to say that his writing is not beautiful. In fact quite the opposite. While Proust does write a compelling and artful narrative, he is writing for himself, with a specific, impossible goal in mind. He is continually disappointing himself. He does, however, experience one breakthrough while writing which challenges the narrative. After eating a madeleine cookie, just like the one's his great-aunt used to give him, Proust recalls his memories of childhood with extreme detail, against his will. He is thrust right back into those moments of innocence and experience, in a dramatic recall. This inspiration provides the fuel which Proust uses to further elicit his memories on paper. He continually tries to perfectly express what his experiences felt like in the moment so that a reader could understand and recognize the compelling, inexhaustible beauty of his own life. Perhaps what he misses is objectivity. In fact, Proust does effectively tell his life's story in a compelling way, but it is a symptom of the beauty which is human existence, not affiliated just with Proust and his own experience.
The Inevitability of Time
Proust expresses a repeated, painful understanding of the inevitability of time. He knows he's growing old. Even as a child, he understood that time was endlessly marching forward and that he was powerless to effect it. Perhaps this is the origin of his nighttime anxieties -- a recognition of the forward progress of time, like a ray, with only one origin, irreversible. In this recognition, however, Proust finds the mandate for his writing. He does not want to be forgotten. In his writing he finds commemoration and celebration, even meaning. As a defiance of time itself, he records his experiences in a format which will surpass his own lifetime. This rather bleak truth is embodied in Proust's character in younger years, contributing to his inability to find joy in the vain social scheming of his peers. He refuses to accept the lie that social esteem or popularity will remedy the inevitability of time and ultimately death, making him rather a grim party-goer.
