A Fiendish Harlequin in Tattered Velour
The opening salvo in this ironic attack upon all things Christmas targets the actual man in the Santa suit with a simile that brings horror to the whole season. After describing him as smelling of rum and a failure of ambition, the narrator finally decides there is “Something scary and off-key about him, like one of those Stephen King clowns.” While the use of the plural is a bit odd—Pennywise is the only Stephen King clown that immediately comes to mind—the comparison itself is devastating. There is something a bit clownish, if not especially evil, about that red suit.
Reindeer on Rooftops
The sound of reindeer hooves on the rooftop would seem kind of magical in real for most people. The narrator continues with his motif of horror, however. For him, the reindeer land on “Hooves that cut through the roof shingles like linoleum knives.” To this complaint he later brings up the possibility of ticks carrying diseases burrowed deep into their thick fur. Ticks and hooves sharp enough to slice right through the roof. Something about the narrator’s perspective suggests he is not really one of those people who enjoy the holiday season.
Christmas Carols
If any more evidence is necessary that the narrator is situated along the Scrooge/Grinch divide before their change of heart, it is the metaphor he engages to describe the incessant sound of Christmas carols. “They boom and chime from the vaulted ceilings of supermarkets and discount malls—and yet the spirits keep sinking.” This imagery prompts the following rhetorical question: “Have our hearts grown so terribly heavy, since childhood?” The metaphorical language here is so familiar as to perhaps not even immediately be understood as metaphors. And yet spirits sinking and hearts growing heavy are clearly figurative images though, admittedly, not examples usually associated with the joyous sound of Christmas music.
The Psychology of Gifting
The chapter titled “Fear of Not Receiving Enough” situates the number of gifts that one receives as a metaphorical measure stick of how much you are loved. “…the piles of rumpled wrapping paper and emptied boxes mount higher around every chair but your own.” In addition, “dull neckties and a pair of flannel-lined work gloves” provide silent metaphorical commentary on how you are perceived by those giving gifts. The deeper the narrator dives into the ritualistic elements of the Christmas season, the Grinchier he seems to get.
The Quest for Refunds
The mortifying ritual of returning unwanted gifts to the store in exchange for cash refunds or store credits brings the book to a close. The full dimension of this unpleasant duty is captured in metaphorical description of the hellish location that stores seem to purposely reserve to make seeking refunds even more shameful, describing it as a “humiliating descent into mercantilism’s boiler room.” The literal description of a boiler room is the space in a building reserved for equipment that produces heat. It has since also come to be a metaphor for the lowest, most degrading level of work within the hierarchy of a business operating within a single office building.
