J. Henry Waugh
As the title of the book more than hints, J. Henry Waugh is the Sole Proprietor of the Universal Baseball Association, Inc. He is also an accountant for Dunkelman, Zauber and Zifferblatt. Worth nothing is that the UBA, Inc. is a solipsistic enterprise in which everything associated with it exists pretty much within the singular universe known as J. Henry Waugh’s fertile and orderly mind.
Lou Engel
Only one other person is ever extended an invitation to share in the joys of the UBA, Inc. and his name is Lou Engel. Lou’s escape from the reality is the inside of a movie theater where he gorges on food and fiction the way that his friend gorges on baseball statistics. Kindhearted and certainly meaning no harm, his ineptitude nevertheless creates a stain on Henry’s carefully constructed reality and their friendship.
Hettie Irden
Hettie is a B-girl past her prime whose intercourse with Henry is always described using baseball imagery and jargon.
Horace Zifferblatt
Horace is the only one of the founding members of the trio for whom the company Waugh works is named. He is a typical boss, but is peculiarly accepting of the effect that Henry’s obsession with the UBA, Inc. has on his work habits until those effects become simply too impossible to bear.
Pete
A bartender in the real world that Henry rechristens as Jake as his world inside the UBA, Inc. starts to encroach uncontrollably into that reality. In the UBA, Jake plays second base, but eventually retires to a life serving drinks.
Damon Rutherford
Damon is a rookie pitcher in the UBA, Inc. who manages to toss a perfect game which stimulates Henry to take on the persona of the hot young phenom later that night when he makes loves to Hettie. Damon will eventually be killed by a beanball.
Jock Casey
Jock Casey is another rookie pitcher and it is his errant pitch that prematurely ends the career and life of Damon Rutherford. As payback, Henry rigs his imaginary game so that Jock himself is killed during play when a line drive shot back to the mound comes in too fast for Jock to react.
Raglan "Pappy" Rooney
Manager of the Haymakers who manages to live to the ripe old age of 143 in Henry's universe.
