Louis
Louis is introduced in the first chapter as the man whose job is to repair the school since its having been closed down for 243 days, but who was previously the yard teacher. His duties in that position include passing out balls for play as well as keeping an eye on the students during recess and lunch. He has ever since the school closed been working around the clock to clean out the mess made by the arrival of a herd of cows causing the shutdown.
Over the court of the school year, Louis dresses up as Santa Claus which inspires the only student who doesn’t believe in him, Kathy, to try to prove Santa is a fraud. Under the rigid gaze of his former teacher, Mrs. Drazil, Louis undergoes a personality transformation and goes from being a fun teacher to a strict disciplinarian. When Mrs. Drazil, who is otherwise well-liked by the class, forces Louis to shave his mustache, the kids rebel and conspire to ensure that Mrs. Drazil must go.
Later, it is learned that Louis has a crush on a teacher named Miss Nogard, who has an extra ear on top of her heart that hears thoughts. His attempt to give her flowers goes badly, but ultimately he works up the courage to ask her on a date and she accepts. It is generally accepted that Louis the yard teacher is the doppelganger of author Louis Sachar.
Mr. Kidswatter
Much of Mr. Kidswatter’s life is unfortunate. After welcoming all the kids back to their own school from the temporary schools they were sent to when Wayside was shut down with pleasant greetings to Miss Mush and a safety reminder about using the stairs, he forgets to press the off button. As a result, the entire school hears him bitterly complain about having to cut short his vacation in Jamaica with the news that the school was reopening earlier than expected.
Later in the year, Kidswatter spills coffee all over his brand-new suit while opening a door. He immediately declares “door” to be a bad word forbidden for anyone to say on school grounds. Students and teachers alike are instructed to call all doors a “goozack.” When Miss Zarves storms into his office to complain about a cow in her room, his attention is so completely focused on constructing a rubber-band ball that he buzzes his secretary with the order to purchase more rubber bands, not even noticing when Miss Zarves announces she is quitting.
When Louis attempts to make his first romantic overture to Miss Nogard, he winds up giving the flowers to the principal instead. Mr. Kidswatter labors under the impression that the bouquet is actually intended for him. When he confesses to having few friends and tells Louis that he is like a son to him, the disappointed yard teacher calls him a name under his breath.
Miss Zarves
The reason that Mr. Kidswatter ignores Miss Zarves is not entirely related to his obsessive rubber-band project. Miss Zarves is the teacher of the classroom which occupies the nineteenth story of the very narrow and very tall Wayside School. Due to a blueprint error, everybody knows that there is no nineteenth floor and therefore there is no classroom located on it and therefore there is no Miss Zarves. Therefore, logically, there was no teacher in the principal’s office complaining about a cow and announcing she was quitting.
Except, of course, there is a floor nineteen stories up, and in that classroom are students taught by Miss Zarves. The trouble all started when she was drawing geometrical shapes on the blackboard and the sudden appearance of a cow shocked her into dropping the chalk. One of her students volunteers to pick it up for her, but Miss Zarves has worked herself up into a state of frustration at being ignored and overlooked and demands that the cow pick up the chalk since it was the cow that caused her to drop it.
The presence of the cow moves Miss Zarves to a state of agitation which results in a monologue of complaints about being a good person and doing the right thing yet never being recognized or rewarded. This leads to the storming of the principal’s office. As she makes her exit following her announcement to quit, she is confronted by three bald men who she is amazed actually acknowledge her existence. Not only that, they are sympathetic to her plight and commit to doing what they can to remove the cow from her classroom.
Mr. Gorf
The original teacher of the class at the center of the series was a wicked woman named Mrs. Gorf who turned bad kids into apples until one day she turned into an apple herself and was accidentally eaten by Louis. This sequel includes a subplot that calls back to the first book and focused on the arrival of a substitute teacher. Upon learning his name is Mr. Gorf, the kids immediately conclude that he must the husband of the dreaded former teacher and fear he will be just as strict.
Upon learning that he has never been married, the kids relax and, indeed, Mr. Gorf turns out to be a nice man who speaks with a Scottish accent. This turn of events does not last long, however, as the sub reveals he has a third nostril capable of inhaling voices away from their owners. He also discloses that Mr. Gorf is not just the name of a husband with a wife name Gorf, it is also the name of a son with a mother named Gorf. And he is a son out for revenge.
Using the voices of the students has stolen, he proceeds to cause havoc with their parents by making insulting phone calls in the guise of the kids. He makes a fatal mistake when he uses the voice of a student named Kathy to call out to another teacher to “have a nice day.” Mr. Gorf is the only person in the entire school who is not aware that Kathy is a mean-spirited kid who would never wish for anyone to have a nice day.
