“Shotgun Wedding”
This is a story that begins with a wedding kiss and features references to Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella and the Princess and the Pea. In fact, the bride is situated in the role of a delicate fairy tale princess throughout. The irony here is that the Prince Charming—the knight in shining armor—who offers protection for the sweet, innocent princess is not the groom, but the narrator—her older, much less girly, sister.
Madeline, “The Perfect Lawn”
“The Perfect Lawn” is turning brown from an infestation of irony. Most immediately is the case of Madeline, the perfect girl who slumbers wearing just her red cheerleader underpants and a bra. We know this because Kevin, Madeline’s stalker, has been spying on her again. Kevin thinks Madeline is the cat’s pajamas, but in reality she is that word used in canine terminology to a female dog; that one that rhymes with witch. Madeline is not perfect and Kevin is delusional.
Madeline’s Mother, “The Perfect Lawn”
The ironic dimension of Kevin in “The Perfect Lawn” only begins with constantly watching Madeline but never actually seeing her for what she is. This story moves along with an inexorable sense of strangeness because we, the reader, can clearly see Kevin is detached from any sense of reality on the subject of his hormonal fantasy girl. At the very same time, however, he also seems to be remarkably blind to what is going on in his relationship with Madeline’s alcoholic, chain-smoking, fire-starting, unwittingly exhibitionist mother. The attentive reader will see the ironic ending coming but somehow when it is Madeline’s mother who initiates Kevin into sexuality rather than Madeline herself, it is still a shock. Probably because—more irony—Kevin has this whole time been wrangling to set up her mother with his father.
“The Smallest Man in the World”
This is a story told by the most beautiful girl in the bar. The circus has come to town and some of the circus folk enter the bar, including the title character. It is a story about freaks though the circus geek is not among the bar patrons. Ironically, the most beautiful girl in the bar considers herself to be right on the same level as the tiny little miniature man. For freakdom, after all, is but an aberration from the norm. And isn’t being the most beautiful exactly the same departure from the norm as the smallest?
“The Sudden Physical Development of Debra Dupuis”
Debra Dupuis is a freak, too. She possesses the biggest breasts in the seventh grade. But unlike the most beautiful girl in the world, her view toward the freakish is considerably different. She’s not aware of her breasts as freakish because they have been endowed—so to speak—with a something truly special. They are a gift from, well, let her thoughts speak on the subject:
“Jesus couldn't have breasts, but if he had them, they'd be like hers. And just as Jesus showed all men their holiness by his example, Debra's divine bestowal uplifted all the less than perfect bosoms around her.”
This may sound like the thoughts of a young girl as delusional as Kevin. There is a difference, however. Kevin thinks Madeline is perfect and it is clear she is not. Debra believes her breasts have been invested with a special power and why shouldn’t she? The irony is not that Debra is delusional, but that she has been conditioned by society to believe what she believes. After all, a century of media obsession in America with big breasts can’t be wrong, right?
