Helen's Nickname (Symbol)
The nickname that Helen receives on the trip is a symbol of how she puts too much stock in how people view her. While the college-age hikers in the group quickly earn nicknames that are for the most part either neutral or praising, Helen is mostly called Ellen by mistake. Helen resents that Windy earns the nickname Heartbreaker because all the men in the group are attracted to her. When Helen does earn a nickname, it is Holdup, which derives from Helen delaying the rest of the group and Beckett continually asking, "What's the holdup?" Helen puts up with the insulting nickname, even though it only demoralizes her further. Luckily, Windy twists the intended meaning, pretending that Helen is called Holdup because she is like a Wild West bandit with a pistol in each hand. The new meaning of Holdup catches on as people take notice of Helen's map-reading skills, tenacious attitude, and heroic behavior when helping rescue Hugh. Ultimately, Helen's fixation on nicknames reveals her investment in how others view her.
List of Goals (Symbol)
Early in the novel, Helen comments on the list of goals she wrote in advance of the trip; this list symbolizes her need to feel she has bounced back after her failed marriage. The list includes finding a deeper spiritual connection to nature, pushing herself to her limits emotionally and physically, toughening up, becoming awesome, kicking "the wilderness's ass," rising from her own ashes like a phoenix, and earning a Certificate of Merit, which she believes will be "a slip of paper that proved, at last, that I was okay." She keeps the earnest list in her bra, losing it one morning on the trail. Beckett picks it up thinking it is litter—a grave transgression for backcountry hikers. When Beckett reads the list aloud, Helen is too embarrassed to claim it as hers, even though she hadn't meant to litter it. To prove a point, Beckett sets the list on fire, leaving Helen to stamp out the ashes. While it may seem that burning the symbolic list is akin to losing her ambition, Helen nonetheless pushes on with her goals without thinking about them. Having absorbed the list into her psyche, Helen follows through on every goal except the last, which is beyond her control. However, Helen learns that to receive the external validation of a Certificate would not prove she is okay. Only she can assess that for herself.
Pickle (Symbol)
Helen's dog Pickle is a symbol of resilience despite trauma. Midway through the novel, Helen explains to Windy that although she had been actively searching for the perfect rescue dog for months, she ended up finding Pickle abandoned outside her building with a broken leg. After paying to get the dog's leg fixed, Helen claimed Pickle as her own. However, the dog had been abused and neglected by previous owners, and now she distrusts people. Despite her bad attitude toward people, Pickle likes to burrow into Helen's blankets, and Helen develops a love for her broken dog. Windy suggests that Pickle's behavioral issues, such as ankle-biting, are the result of her living with the post-traumatic stress of being mistreated for so long. As the novel goes on, Helen realizes she feels a kinship with Pickle because she too keeps people at a distance out of fear of being abandoned or mistreated, even though this behavior stands in the way of her deeper desire to love and be loved. In this way, Pickle serves as a symbol not just of trauma, but the ability to love despite having been mistreated.
Jake's Eyesight (Symbol)
Jake's worsening eyesight is a symbol of vulnerability. While Center depicts Jake as preternaturally bright, quick-witted, competent, and supportive, his sense of self becomes compromised when he learns he has a rare disease that makes the rods and cones in his eyes quickly degenerate. Jake is in denial about his worsening eyesight, forging the medical tests he must pass to join the hike, and refusing to admit that his failing eyesight was the reason why he fell from a tree early in the trip. Jake conceals his disease from Helen for most of the book because he is ashamed to admit that his plans for the future must now change. Not only will he not attend med school, Jake believes it is immoral of him to pursue a relationship with Helen, as his disability will make him reliant on any partner he has. Ultimately, Jake must accept that he is powerless over his failing vision, just as he is powerless over how Helen will view him once she knows about his disability. When he accepts his vulnerability, Jake discovers that Helen only has more respect and sympathy for him.
Comparison (Motif)
Throughout the novel, Helen compares herself to other people out of resentment and insecurity; she also makes comparisons between people. The motif first arises when she arrives at Duncan's apartment and makes unfavorable comparisons between his irresponsible nature and her structured way of living. She also compares Jake and Duncan, mistakenly lumping them into the same category out of cynicism, only to discover that Jake doesn't do drugs, excels as a student, and displays an emotional intelligence she didn't anticipate. The motif comes up again when Helen meets her hiking group, as she feels alienated from the college-age participants. Center explores the motif most explicitly when Helen can't stop comparing herself to Windy, who is positive where Helen is negative, athletic where Helen is a slow hiker, and confident where Helen is self-doubting. Helen's comparisons intensify when Windy and Jake appear to strike up a relationship. Helen also works through her resentment of Duncan, who she compares unfavorably to Nathan, the brother who died. However, the motif resolves itself with Jake choosing Helen over Windy, and Helen developing an appreciation for Duncan. With these revelations, Helen learns her superficial concerns are fueled by paranoia, resentment, and self-deprecation, and are not reflected in reality.
