“I don’t belong here. I know that. But I don’t belong anywhere else, either. And that is at the heart of the black depression pressing down on me, flattening me. I have no place. No home. Sex, but no real affection. I am kept, but not cherished.”
Seth wrestles with a sense of isolation, a lack of belonging, and the absence of genuine affection in his life. The first part of the statement describes Seth's awareness that he does not fit into the life he is currently living. This apprehension contributes to a pervasive depression that weighs heavily on him. He perceives himself as being trapped leading to a profound sense of emptiness. The subsequent portion delves into Seth's attempts to meet certain physical expectations likely imposed by external influences like Carl. He feels pressured to conform to these standards, which triggers further questions about his worth. This pressure is reflective of the control and power dynamics he is subjected to.
“Hell isn’t some fiery pit “down there.” It’s right here on Earth, in every dirty city, every yawning town.”
Eden struggles with her religious beliefs, sexuality, and personal challenges. She acknowledges that hell is not some abstract concept of a fiery pit in the afterlife. Instead, a present reality on Earth that occurs in various forms in the different places she has been. Eden also challenges conventional notions of Satan and evil. She points out that evil does not manifest as a demon, nor does it actively recruit new followers. Instead, it lurks in the background patiently waiting for vulnerable individuals like her. In the narrative, she discusses being rescued from a perilous situation and taken in by a shelter run by Father Gregory. Eden contemplates the possibility of returning to a better life and being embraced by the kindness of people who have offered her support.
“You can’t walk away from someone you love, leave them drowning in your desertion. If love has no more meaning than that, you can keep it. I don’t want it now or ever again. Don’t want to hear the word or wear its scars.”
In this quotation, Seth contends with the painful realization that someone he loved deeply has abandoned him. He has been mourning the loss of his mother and dealing with the emotional aftermath. During this grieving process, he reads a note that makes him confront the fact that Loren will not be a part of his future. This revelation brings forth a wave of anger and bitterness making Seth question the essence of love itself. His perspective on love is shaped by his experience of abandonment. Therefore, he vehemently expresses that true love should not entail leaving someone drowning in the pain of desertion.
