I looked south, to where I'd been, to the wild land that had schooled and scorched me, and considered my options. There was only one, I knew. There was always only one.
To keep walking.
This quote shows the combination of suffering and resilience that encompasses why Cheryl's hike is so impactful for her. Before beginning her hike, she had been struggling to find purpose and a sense of direction. The hike puts her in a situation where she has a single, clearly defined goal, along with only one possible way to reach it. Her limited supplies and structured schedule mean that she can neither procrastinate nor change her mind on a whim. By narrowly limiting her options, Cheryl puts herself in a situation where her progress is reduced to a single action: she has to keep walking.
It took me years to take my place among the ten thousand things again. To be the woman my mother raised... I would suffer. I would want things to be different than they were.
In this quote, Cheryl reflects on why she struggled for so long after her mother's death. She found it impossible to come to terms with the reality that her mother was gone and never coming back. Even though her mother showed her that it was possible to rise above suffering and to choose joy even in tough circumstances, Cheryl fixates on her sense of grief and loss. Once she accepts that she has no control over what happened to her mother and can only choose how she wants to live her life going forward, Cheryl is finally able to achieve a sense of peace and self-acceptance.
Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story from the one women are told. I decided I was safe. I was strong. I was brave.
In this quote, Cheryl reflects on how she manages her emotions, even when undertaking a dangerous journey. She rejects the idea that women are vulnerable and susceptible to danger, and she relies on a belief in her safety to create confidence. To a large extent, this strategy works. Cheryl is able to continue even in face of dangers like bears, and most of the people she meets during her hike are supportive and helpful. However, late in her journey, Cheryl does meet two men who behave in a predatory way. She is able to get away from them, but that experiences underscores that her decision to reject fear doesn't actually guarantee her safety.
I'd set out to hike the trail so that I could reflect upon my life, to think about everything that had broken me and make myself whole again. But the truth was, at least so far, I was consumed only with my most immediate and physical suffering.
This quote shows the gap between Cheryl's expectations of what her time on the trail will be like and what it actually ends up being like. She thinks that she will be able to achieve peaceful and meaningful reflection, but she ends up totally preoccupied with her physical reality. On one hand, this is helpful because, whereas Cheryl has previously been dwelling in the past, she now ends up immersed in the present moment. Also, as Cheryl's hike progresses, she gets stronger so that she is not in as much pain anymore. Cheryl never ends up achieving the transcendent state she was hoping for, but she is eventually able to both think about her present experience and reflect on her past.
"I love him," I blurted when we were nearly through, my eyes filling with tears. I thought about pulling up my sleeve and showing her the square of gauze that covered my brand-new horse tattoo, as proof.
This quote shows Cheryl's feelings as she signs the papers finalizing her divorce from Paul. Even though she knows their marriage is not working, she still loves him, and she struggles to reconcile these two realities. When Cheryl and Paul get matching tattoos around the same time they divorce, they reverse expectations: they are severing their legal ties to each other, but they are also promising they will always remain emotionally and spiritually connected.
Alone wasn't a room anymore, but the whole wide world, and now I was alone in that world, occupying it in a way that I never had before.
This quote illustrates how Cheryl's experience on the trail has changed her understanding of what solitude means. She thought she knew what it felt like to be alone, but she always had the option to seek out company if she truly wanted it. On the trail, she is truly alone for the first time. This experience is challenging but also liberating for her: she realizes that she can achieve her goals even if she only has herself to rely on, and she cultivates a true appreciation of her own company.
"Mom can go to the other side now," he said, looking into my eyes as if it were only the two of us in the entire world. "That's what the Indians believe--that when a great warrior dies you've got to kill their horse so he can cross over to the other side of the river. It's a way of showing respect. Maybe Mom can ride away now."
Cheryl's brother Leif speaks these words to her after a traumatic episode wherein he, she, and Paul shoot Bobbi's horse, Lady. Lady was very old and had not been well cared for after Bobbi's death. Cheryl and Leif decided to euthanize her and decided that it was better to do it themselves than to rely on a vet. Although it is a very upsetting event, it provides Leif with a sense of closure and peace, leading him to believe that his mother is now going to be able to cross into the afterlife.
"The father's job is to teach his children how to be warriors, to give them the confidence to get on the horse and ride into battle when it's necessary to do so. If you don't get that from your father, you have to teach yourself."
When Cheryl impulsively visits an astrologer, she is told that she carries a wound from her father. This prediction is significant in that Cheryl has always been haunted by her lack of relationship with her father and the way in which he abandoned the family. Part of the reason her mother's loss is so difficult for her is because Cheryl has already struggled with loss and a feeling of being abandoned by a parent. Cheryl starts her hike in order to deal with the loss of her mother, but she also ends up confronting her feelings about her father and grieving that loss. Since neither of her parents is present in her life any longer, Cheryl has to rely on herself to get what she needs.
It had to do with how it felt to be in the wild. With what it was like to walk for miles for no reason other than to witness the accumulation of trees and meadows, mountains and deserts, stream and rocks, rivers and grasses, sunrises and sunsets. The experience was powerful and fundamental.
In this quote, Cheryl reflects on how powerful it is to be surrounded by the natural world. She knows that, for herself and generations of hikers on the Pacific Crest Trail, the power and beauty of nature is transformative. Humans tend to be self-absorbed and think they are the center of the universe, but being amidst the natural world forces her to become more humble. Cheryl realizes that she is one small part of something bigger and that everything is connected.
What if yes was the right answer instead of no? What if what made me do all those things everyone thought I shouldn't have done was also what had got me here? What if I was never redeemed? What if I already was?
This quote represents the moment of epiphany and healing Cheryl finally achieves as a result of her long journey. She has been carrying shame along with her grief, wishing that she could be someone different from the person she truly is. It is only when she contemplates self-acceptance that she finds peace. Cheryl realizes she cannot change the past, and that it is not helping her to feel badly about it. She also sees that everything she has experienced has led her to where she is now and that those experiences therefore have value.
