Summary
Zauner takes a job at a pizza restaurant in the time leading up to her departure from Eugene. She also records an album with some friends and calls it "Psychopomp." Zauner and Peter begin to arrange for their departure, looking for jobs in New York and packing up all of their belongings. They also take a late honeymoon to Korea, where they plan to visit Zauner's aunt, Nami.
Zauner expresses concern about reminding Nami of the death of her mother, as the past few years have been filled with the loss of loved ones in their family. They fly to Seoul and Zauner worries about navigating the language barrier, as her ability to speak Korean is limited. She uses Google Translate frequently to convey more complex thoughts and feelings. They continue their trip and see well-known places like Cheonjiyeon Waterfall and the Jagalchi Fish Market. Zauner feels moved by the fact that she is able to experience these places, as it was important to her mother that she see and remember them.
Following the honeymoon, Zauner and Peter move in with Peter's parents. Zauner applies to a number of office jobs and eventually accepts an offer from an advertising company in the Williamsburg neighborhood of Brooklyn. They move to an apartment in Greenpoint and settle into a routine. At the same time, Zauner attends therapy but finds that it does not help her with her painful memories of her mother. She starts to watch the YouTube videos of a Korean chef named Maangchi, who details the process of making various Korean dishes. She finds these videos soothing and turns to them more and more as a source of comfort. She becomes a more proficient cook and, with time, is able to take on more advanced meals.
Zauner's father puts their house up for sale and sells or gets rid of most of the furniture. He is living in Thailand and plans to move there. His friend ships three large items from the house to Zauner: a queen-sized bed, an upright piano, and her mother's kimchi fridge. The fridge is stored in the basement of Peter's family's home. On Thanksgiving, she goes into the basement to look at it and discovers that it is full of old photographs.
She goes through them and feels overwhelmed with emotion, as she sees the care her mother put into these pictures. She describes the way in which kimchi is made through the fermentation of cabbage and how this process gives it a second life as a different food, saving it from simply rotting away. She compares this to her decision to hold onto these memories of her mother, choosing not to view these recollections as painful, but rather as reaffirming. She expresses the feeling that part of her mother lives on in her recollection. At the end of the chapter, Zauner visits a spa and cries in the sauna as she remembers going with her mother.
Zauner's record gains mainstream success and she goes on tour with her band, Japanese Breakfast, with Peter joining on lead guitar. At the same time, an essay she writes about her mother and Korean food wins a Glamour magazine contest. She leaves her job and her band opens for the singer-songwriter Mitski before starting to headline at various festivals.
She decides to finish their tour in Seoul and makes plans to see her relatives Nami, Emo Boo, and Esther. They watch her perform to an ecstatic crowd and she feels that her dreams have been fulfilled. The trip gives her a small sense of closure as some measure of good fortune follows such a long period of emotional turmoil. During her last night in Seoul, Zauner goes to karaoke and sings along to the song "Coffee Hanjan," a longtime favorite of her mother's.
Analysis
Homecoming is a major part of the book's ending, as she returns to Korea twice after her mother's death. During the first trip, she is able to see all of the places her mother had told her about and feels a strong sense of connection with the memories she was trying to give her. On the second trip, she experiences the surreality of finally having a reprieve from so much suffering, as she plays music from an album largely about her mother to a massive crowd in her mother's homeland. In both cases, she is able to reaffirm her connection with her mother, even in the latter's absence. It is appropriate that the book ends in Korea, as Zauner seems to feel that so much of her remembrance of her mother is tied up in the city of Seoul.
Language appears as an important theme in the chapter about Zauner visiting her aunt Nami, as she is concerned about working through the language barrier between them. She uses Google Translate to converse with her, as her Korean is not very strong. She attempts to tell Nami how much the trip has meant to her, especially after the death of her mother, but does not have the words to communicate this. Still, she is able to share a number of meaningful moments with Nami, noting that while they cannot always speak directly, they share a number of delicious meals. In this way, she frames how food transcends words, allowing her to connect with Nami despite their lack of a shared language.
Music is also a key theme in this section, as Zauner writes her album Psychopomp, in part, about her mother and uses a photo of her for its cover. The album ends up being a surprise success and she ends up garnering a great deal of press attention. This allows her to go on tour and put together a band. When she plays in Seoul, she reflects on the surreal quality of seeing crowds of people holding a picture of her mother (which adorns the cover of her band's album). Similar to the essay she writes about her mother's death, music provides Zauner with the outlet for her grief, giving her the opportunity to turn her painful memories into art.
Food is discussed in the chapter about Zauner moving to New York. She attends therapy but finds that it does not provide her with any emotional relief. She turns instead to a Korean chef named Maangchi who makes videos on YouTube detailing how to make different Korean dishes. Watching this video reminds her of her mother and also helps develop her culinary skills. Over time, she begins to feel as though these videos give her more consolation than her therapy sessions. As is suggested in other parts of the book, food gives Zauner both a connection with her mother and a sense of solace that she is unable to find elsewhere.
The ending of the book revisits its main ideas while also ending in a happy moment for Zauner. She returns to Seoul to finish her tour with her new band. She visits her relatives and plays to a large crowd. She feels that this culmination of her dreams is small consolation for the pain that she has endured and that, even in her absence, she feels connected to her mother in these moments. When she sings "Coffee Hanjan" with Nami, she is briefly able to feel a strong connection with her mother, suggesting that the trip gave some semblance of closure.
