“A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.”
Carnegie credits this quote merely to an anonymous ancient Chinese proverb. Confronting those you want to influence with a smile is a fundamental element of Carnegie’s advice. He goes on to call the smile a “messenger of good will” that carries the power to “brighten the lives of all who see it.” It is also likened to a sun breaking through clouds and he quotes a psychologist who declares that a smile provides far more information about a person than a frown. So the message here is that anyone hoping to be successful in sales should wear shades because their smile is as bright as their future.
“Show respect for the other person’s opinions.”
Less metaphorically poetic is Carnegie’s advice which may be one of the most difficult to practice. The difficulty of pulling this off is made clear by the words immediately following:
“Never say, `You’re wrong.’”
While it is easy enough to at least feign having respect for another’s opinion when you think it clearly off the rails, the difficult level is exponentially raised if you try to get through the day without telling another person they are wrong. The person who masters this step is truly three steps ahead of the pack.
“A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.”
Most people are probably more familiar with a reworking of Lincoln’s idea here: you can more flies with honey than vinegar. But Lincoln actually takes the maxim further, deconstructing the imagery to make it more literally applicable by exposing the honey for what it really is:
“if you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.”
Notice that Lincoln does not then go on to say that you actually are his sincere friend; merely that you should convince the other that you are. This gives new meaning—still valid—to the term “Honest Abe.” But few quotes exist that make the point of insisting that flattery be completely honest to be effective.
“Assume a virtue, if you have it not.”
Carnegie turns to Shakespeare to illuminate one of his more intricate and convoluted paths to influencing other people. The quote here is usually taken inward so that one adopts the appearance of a virtue they do not actually possess. Carnegie, however, suggests that the real power here is reversing things and making others assume they possess a virtue they do not. The idea is that if you want to influence someone to do a certain thing, convince them that they already possess a necessary personality trait or characteristic required to do that thing with the intention of psychologically conditioning them to want to live up demonstrating that virtue. Example: you don’t get a lazy person to work harder by telling them they are lazy; instead, work to convince them that you appreciate the fact that they are aren’t lazy—or so the theory goes—they will be inspired to live up to that image of themselves. In the meantime, keep working on that smile, learning not to point out other’s stupidity and how to flatter insincerely because this path to influence seems much more difficult in the real world.
