First, Carnegie attempts to lay out three elements of communication which help one to be successful with others. Avoid criticizing; instead, listen to people's perspectives and try to understand what matters to them. Find reasons to compliment people and to demonstrate appreciation for them. Basically, everyone is always looking for affirmation, so offer them this service and they'll respond positively. By placing oneself in the other person's position, imagine what that person desires. Place their wants and needs first, perhaps by offering support, encouragement, or suggestions.
Since Carnegie is concerned with making friends and influencing people, as the title suggests, he next pursues six simple ways to engender sympathy and loyalty from anyone. First off, one must become sincerely interested in the other person. By extending admiration first, one is able to establish oneself as amicable in the other person's esteem. This can look like genuinely enthusiastic greetings, questions about something relevant to their life, or even demonstrations of affection -- like hugs, gifts, etc. In kind, the next step is to smile often and genuinely. Since many people are not in the habit of smiling, they may benefit from practicing happiness in private. Smile at private thoughts, building a habit of looking approachable.
The next few tips concern conversation. Remember to use people's names. By remembering someone's name and repeating it to them often, one demonstrates that that person is important. Additionally, Carnegie adds, people adore hearing their own names. Next, don't be the first person to talk. Ask questions and listen well. In order to know this person better and to understand what matter to them, one must hear what they have to say. After accomplishing this, one is qualified to engage with the other person's interests. Perhaps do a bit of background research on a topic that they raised last time. Through genuine conversation, which is directed by the other person's interests, one can learn a great deal about what makes them tick. This process also leads to personal growth for the questioner, who will benefit from hearing diverse perspectives.
Finally, Carnegie advises deliberately making the other person feel important. This is basic human psychology; everyone wants to be important. By devoting attention to the other's wants and interests, one will give them positivity which they will then reflect back. In summation, these conversational techniques will allow the reader to cultivate influence among companions by first and foremost giving them what one desires for oneself.
