Sharing
Twin and Xiomara share a room. This is fine, but once Xiomara heard that a goldfish will only evolve to be as big as the tank it is in, so maybe she and Twin are keeping each other small.
Questions for Ms. Galiano
Xiomara had not wanted to say anything when she came to class, but before she could stop herself she asks about the poetry club. Ms. Galiano explains the spoken word part and asks if she is thinking of joining. Xiomara shakes her head no and Ms. Galiano looks at her as if to figure her out.
Spoken Word
Ms. Galiano plays a video of a Black female spoken word poet. Xiomara is amazed that this woman says things she feels. Xiomara is heard; she has chills. It is a gift to her, she thinks.
Wait—
Does Ms. Galiano think she’s really going to stand up and say the things she’s written? She is out of her mind.
Holding a Poem in the Body
After her shower Xiomara stands and watches herself memorize a poem in the mirror. She lets her body take up space. Mami knocks on the door and she says she is memorizing verses. After all, this isn’t a lie.
J.Cole vs. Kendrick Lamar
Aman and Xiomara have to work on their lab together now, and Xiomara finds herself wishing they would get to know each other. She asks if he has the new J.Cole album and he says yes, but he prefers Kendrick Lamar and asks if she'd like to listen to it together.
Asylum
When the family first got a computer, Xiomara used it to stream music (but switched to Khan tutorials when Mami walked in). She fell in love with music and searched for new songs every day. It became clear to her that music could be a bridge between herself and another person.
What I Tell Aman
“Maybe. I’ll let you know” (84).
Dreaming of Him Tonight
She dreams of his face, of their bodies moving closer and closer. Her alarm rings and she wakes up. His mouth was one that knew “more than curses and prayer” (85), than bread, wine, blood.
The Thing About Dreams
Xiomara knows she won’t be able to look Aman in the face after her dream, but when she sits down next to him in bio she calms down. She asks if he’d like to listen to Kendrick tomorrow.
Date
Aman agrees (but this does not count as a date).
Mami’s Dating Rules
She cannot date until she is married.
Clarification on Dating Rules
Old-school Dominican parents like Xiomara’s mean it when they say she cannot date. Mami’s words have always been set in stone, and going to the park with Aman is practically the eighth deadly sin.
Feeling Myself
All that night Xiomara holds the secret of her coming non-date as a “candle that could too easily be blown out” (92). Neither Mami nor Twin seems to suspect anything as she gets ready.
Part II
Smoke Parks
Every Friday the school has a half day for professional development, so today Aman and Xiomara go to the smoke park nearby. She doesn’t smoke but she thinks he does sometimes after school. Today the park is quiet and they sit with their forearms touching. She smells his cologne and hears her own heart beating. They listen for an hour. Aman holds out his hand to pull her up and their fingers lock for a moment.
I Decided a Long Time Ago
Twin is the only boy Xiomara will ever love. She doesn’t want a pretty boy or a celebrity or a man-whore, and she doesn’t even want a boy like Twin. She loves Twin because he is the best boy she knows...yet he is also the worst twin in the world.
Why Twin is a Terrible Twin
He is thin and scrawny and wears glasses and does not look like Xiomara. He is the worst Dominican too, as he does not dance and would rather read than watch baseball. He hates to fight, so Xiomara does it for him.
Why Twin is a Terrible Twin, for Real
He is an actual genius and they have not been in the same grade since they were little, and now he goes to a specialized high school. He is like “an award-winning bound book” while she is “loose and blank pages” (99).
Why Twin is a Terrible Twin (Last and Most Important Reason)
He does not have twin intuition or sympathy pains. Sometimes it seems like he barely notices Xiomara at all.
But Why Twin is Still the Only Boy I’ll Ever Love
He will occasionally say the most wondrous things, as he does today when he tells Xiomara it looks like something within her has shifted. She is breathless and wants to tell him why, but before she can say anything, he wonders aloud if it is her period. She throws a pillow at him and laughs.
Communication
Aman texts Xiomara and asks about the album. She is thrilled to see this and types back that they should listen to something else next time. He agrees.
About A
Poems build inside her thanks to Aman. No one knows what she is doing, but she is writing and writing about this boy, and reciting the words to herself like a song or prayer.
Catching Feelings
Though Xiomara shrugs as if she’s forgotten about the club, she wonders if Ms. Galiano can tell she’s been practicing.
At lunch she sits with other girls who read or draw or text, wanting to share space but not words.
In bio she and Aman pass notes talking about their lives and when they will hang out next.
Notes with Aman
They exchange flirty notes.
What I Didn’t Say to Caridad in Confirmation Class
Xiomara would describe Aman if he were a poem, his hands if they were imagery, his smile an uncliched simile.
Lectures
Mami tells her she saw her whispering to Caridad in confirmation class and she should not be distracted. Xiomara’s tongue is swollen with all she cannot say.
Ms. Galiano’s Notes on Top of Assignment 1
The teacher says she has found Xiomara quite poetic and suggests she come to poetry club because she’d get a lot out of it.
Sometimes Someone Says Something
This made Xiomara light up inside like a gas stove, but she crumples up the note and assignment and throws them away. She knows she can’t have poetry club; it is like Eve’s Apple.
Listening
Today Aman says he wants to hear Xiomara instead of music. She is filled with nerves but he sits patiently, then closes his eyes. She reads a poem from her notebook about Papi, her heart pounding. When she is done, Aman says it reminds him of his mother being gone and that Xiomara’s “got bars” (112) and would listen to her anytime.
Mother Business
Normally people do not talk about their families, but Aman and Xiomara start to. She asks why his mother is gone. He is silent but holds her hand. Then he looks at her, and she does not expect him to answer.
And Then He Does
He explains how his beautiful mother married his father when she was young, and then his father came here and brought him. He remembers Trinidad. His mother never came, promising she would. She called every year on his birthday but now he does not ask when she is coming. He has learned not to be angry.
Warmth
The two walk out of the park, quiet and contemplative, wanting to be together as long as possible.
The Next Couple of Weeks
Time moves quickly, and it is chilly October. Aman and Xiomara walk to the train after school each day, listening to music or the city. She wonders if maybe he only wants to be her friend, as he never presses too hard for more. But why would he spend so much time with her?
She still only pretends to take Communion, and every confirmation class she wishes she was in the poetry club. She is always pretending, at least until the day she decides to ask Father San about Eve.
Eve
Father Sean explains her story is a parable, but to Xiomara it sounds like bullshit. She says this aloud in front of everyone.
“I Think the Story of Genesis is Mad Stupid”
Xiomara blurts out her thoughts about the ridiculousness of God creating the earth in seven days and the truth about evolution, the fact that He gave Eve cunning but didn’t want her to use it, that the whole Bible is just a poem. She cannot help but wonder if any of it really happened.
The other kids, including Caridad, are shocked. Father Sean simply asks if he and Xiomara can talk after class.
As We Are Waiting to Leave
Caridad is worried, saying if Mami hears about this it will be a disaster. Xiomara is annoyed, saying these are just questions.
Father Sean
He tells her many things, like she seems distracted, like it’s normal to have questions, that the church is here for her, that she might talk to her mother in an open and honest dialogue. None of these things are the answers to what she asked.
Answers
Xiomara looks behind Father Sean at the photo of him boxing and asks if he still does it. He says not as much as he used to, but fights can be done without gloves. Xiomara tells him she will not ask about Eve again.
Rough Draft Assignment 2—Last Paragraph of My Biography
She writes of how she came bare-knuckled into the world, how she smashed stereotypes, how she will be remembered as many things—especially as someone working to become the warrior she wanted to be.
Final Draft of Assignment 2 (What I Actually Turn In)
Her piece says Xiomara was a writer and someone who ran an organization for teenage girls to help them turn into what they wanted to be. She bought her parents a house in the DR and never married or had children, but did have a big pit bull and a brownstone in Harlem.
Hands
Xiomara loves playing with Aman’s hands even though it makes her nervous. There is something different about holding a person’s hands in real life rather than in just a dream.
Fingers
At night Xiomara strokes herself and feels something grow inside her and then burst with a sense of relief. She is ashamed, but it feels so good.
Talking Church
One day Aman asks if she goes to church a lot. She does not want him to think she is a church freak who is super holy, or someone who wants to just do something bad with the first guy she meets. She does not answer so he asks, “X?” She loves this nickname.
Finally she replies that her mom goes to church a lot and she goes with her and to confirmation class. Aman asks what she is into and she says he already knows she is into poetry. He asks what her stage name would be. Glad he changed the subject, she says she might be the Poet X. He smiles and says it fits her.
Swoon
Though she knows about thermal conductivity from science, these words by this person make her temperature go up like nothing else.
Telephone
Twin does not ask her who she is texting late into the night, her phone lighting up their room. Aman always loves her writing and asks for more poems. And she does not ask Twin who he is texting and why he is smiling more. It seems both of them have secrets.
Over Breakfast
Twin is singing and gives Xiomara half of an apple, her favorite food. She asks if the person has a name. His smile fades and he turns the question back to her. She blushes and says they, with Caridad, should do their traditional scary movie date for Halloween.
Angry Cat, Happy X
Xiomara is texting with Caridad. Caridad asks about Aman and Xiomara is reluctant to reply since she knows Caridad does not like her. Caridad says she just doesn't want her to get in trouble but likes seeing her happy.
About Being in Like
Aman and Xiomara are at the smoke park again. He asks if she has smoked a blunt before and she shakes her head no. He says Drake is better that way, but they can just listen right now.
Music
This is for A. When she puts her head on his neck she is happy to be alive. Maybe they will live like this forever. His words are like poetry. She wants him to listen to the sounds of their heartbeats together.
Ring the Alarm
The day starts off normally, but then the fire alarm goes off while Xiomara is in bio. Aman grabs his bag and before she knows what she is doing, Xiomara says they should sneak off to the park. He replies that Mr. Bildner will take attendance, but smiles and tugs one of her curls and says he did not know she liked Drake that much. She leans against him and says Drake isn’t the one she likes.
Analysis
From the beginning of the text Xiomara asserts that she is a writer who uses said writing as an outlet for her emotions, her imagination, and her attempts to define herself. Her notebook is her safe space, and it contains her “voice” when that voice is otherwise muted. She does not think about sharing this with anyone else until she meets Ms. Galiano, her new English teacher, and learns about the poetry club on campus. First, Ms. Galiano mentions the new poetry club on campus. Later, she tells Xiomara her work is “poetic” and that she ought to come to the club, which exhilarates her but also depresses her because she knows she cannot go at this time. Ms. Galiano shows a video of Black female poet and Xiomara, for the first time, feels heard and seen; however, she also revolts against the idea of standing up in front of an audience. This doesn’t last too long, as she goes home and practices memorizing and reciting a poem in front of the mirror. She is not quite ready to take her work to the stage, but we can see incremental progress in that direction.
Xiomara’s poetry is inflected with her love of music, which Acevedo also upholds as a powerful art form that can provide meaning and sustenance for people. Xiomara explains how when she discovered she could find music online, she spent hours and hours finding new songs because she saw how music could connect people of all different backgrounds. Indeed, music is what brings her and Aman together. They listen to albums together and then eventually Aman, relating the music they listened to the “music” Xiomara makes herself, says he wants to hear her. She reads for him, marking the first time she has an audience, and begins to write more and more thanks to his influence.
As Xiomara starts to define herself more and more through her poetry, she also begins to define herself by who she is not—someone who just blindly believes in the teachings of the Bible and its interlocuters. At the beginning of the novel she admits that Jesus feels like a friend whom she no longer wants to talk to, and chafes at her realization that the church “treats a girl like me differently” (14). During communion she thinks about how when she is told to “have faith / in the father in the son/ in men” that “men are the first ones / to make me feel so small” (59). At confirmation class, she listens to the story of Eve and rejects its literality, instead calling it “a parable” and “bullshit” (119). She tells her class that Genesis is full of metaphors and does not make sense, drawing concerned looks and Father Sean’s counsel.
Father Sean serves as a contrast to Mami. He is a religious figure, a man endowed with the authority of the Catholic Church, but he is kind, patient, understanding, and non-judgmental. He does not get upset with Xiomara’s questions and tells her that it is okay to have doubts. Later, when he takes her confession, he offers thoughtful advice and does not tell Mami the content of what Xiomara said but instead suggests she is not ready for confirmation. And at the end of the text, he acts as a counselor for Xiomara and Mami and supports Xiomara’s poetry recitation. Overall, Acevedo uses Father Sean as an example of how not all religious people are cruel and intolerant.
