Part I
Stoop-Sitting
It is summer before school starts. Xiomara sits on her Harlem stoop and watches the people go by, listening to the sounds of the city. She will get up and go inside when Mami is almost home from work.
Unhide-able
Xiomara knows her body cannot be hidden. She is tall and curvy and boys ask her for nude pictures while girls call her a “ho.” Her body takes up more room than her voice, so she’s learned to “let my knuckles talk for me” (5) and develop a thick skin.
Mira, Muchacha
This is Mami’s favorite way to begin a sentence, telling her that she does not want her talking to the drug dealers or hanging out around them. Xiomara bites her tongue; the only person not heard in this house is her.
Names
Xiomara is not a biblical name or even a Dominican one, but it does mean “one who is ready for war.” She had to be cut out of her mother while her twin, Xavier, came out fine. Mami says she thought it was a saint’s name. Xiomara finds it amusing that the name means something that Mami tells her to stop doing.
The First Words
All her life Xiomara has heard the phrase “pero, tu no eres facil,” which is that she isn’t an easy one. It is like she cannot do anything right—even coming into the world. Father Sean held Mami’s hand and Papi paced, but Xiomara didn’t die and instead came out crying. This was when Papi first said those words.
Mami Works
Mami works as a cleaner in an office building in Queens. She gets up early, takes two trains, and works hard while being invisible. She says she reads the Bible on the way back to Harlem. If it were Xiomara, thugh, she'd close her eyes and try to dream.
Confirmation Class
Mami has wanted her to do this for three years now. First it filled up, then Xiomara asked to wait another year since her best friend, Caridad, extended her trip to the DR (Twin did the class without her), and now it is time. Xiomara cannot tell Mami Jesus feels like a friend who is trying too hard and texting too much, and whom she doesn’t really need anymore.
God
For Xiomara, thinking about God is now thinking about how the Church treats a girl like her differently.
“Mami,” I Say to Her on the Walk Home
Xiomara begins to ask if she might wait for confirmation but her mother cuts her off and says she will not feed and clothe heathens. Her daughter owes it to God; this country is too soft; if she does not do it, Mami will send her to the much stricter DR.
When You’re Born to Old Parents
Xiomara notes wryly that you will be hailed as a miracle and an answered prayer.
When You’re Born to Old Parents, Continued
Papi will not touch rum again or hang out at the bodegas; he will become a serious man and avoid anything, even music, that tempts him.
When You’re Born to Old Parents, Continued Again
Mami will engrave your name on a bracelet and this will be your favorite gift as well as a shackled. She will become even more pious and go to Mass every day. You will be forced to go with her until you know the smell of incense, uncomfortable kneeling, and the priest's robes trying to “shush silent / all the echoing doubts / ringing in your heart” (20).
The Last Word on Being Born to Old Parents
You hate it. Your parents look at you and talk to you with a heaviness of all they want you to be. It is a burden. Xiomara knows she and Twin are miracles, but do they have to be reminded every day?
Rumor Has It,
Mami used to be stuck-up. She was born in the capital of the DR, and though the men wanted her, the only man she wanted was Jesus. She wanted to be a nun but rumor has it that she was forced to marry Papi so she could go to the U.S. It does not seem like Mami has forgiven Papi for “making her cheat on Jesus” (23).
First Confirmation Class
Xiomara wishes she could punch the other kids. She keeps quiet. She and Caridad are older than the rest, and they all annoy her.
Father Sean
It seems like he has been around forever. In last year’s Bible study he was not as strict, and talked to the kids in his soft West Indian accent. Now, though, he tells them they are going to deepen their relationship with God and confirmation is a serious matter.
Haiku
Xiomara whispers to Caridad as Father Sean lectures.
Boys
She asks her friend if she made out with any boys, and when Caridad purses her lips and says no, of course not, Xiomara sighs that it is a damn shame they haven’t kissed anyone since they are almost sixteen. Caridad smiles but tells Xiomara to read the Book of Ruth.
Caridad and I Shouldn’t Be Friends
They are very different and they don’t make sense: Caridad recites Bible verses, wants to wait to have sex until marriage, genuinely respects her parents, and seems like the perfect daughter. But she, Xiomara, and Twin have known each other since birth and grew up together, and Caridad never judges her or tells her she is wrong. She just gives her a look that says she knows Xiomara will figure it out.
Questions I Have
Lately Xiomara has been thinking a lot about boys. They notice her and she is flattered but scared, and wonders if she might get addicted to sex, or if one breaks her heart and she winds up angry and bitter like Mami.
Night Before First Day of School
She lies in bed, feeling like she is going to break open; it feels like she is beginning.
H.S.
Kids come from all five boroughs but Xiomara can walk to it. Twin goes to a fancy school, but this is a “typical hood school” (35). It is not as bad as it used to be, but the reputation takes a long time to die. She keeps her head down and causes no problems. This is just a place; “just a way to get closer / to escape” (36).
Xiomara has heard of how strict she is, but she is young and wears bright colors. Though she is small she carries herself big. She gives the class an assignment on the first day to write about the most impactful day of their lives, and, amazingly, it seems like she actually wants to know the answer.
Rough Draft of Assignment 1—Write about the most impactful day of your life
Xiomara writes of how her period came and she did not know what to do since no one told her. She bought tampons but could not figure them out. When Mami came home she saw the tampons and slapped her, saying good girls did not wear tampons. She asked if she was still a virgin. Xiomara only cried. Mami told her she would buy her pads and pray for her.
Final Draft of Assignment 1 (What I Actually Turn In)
Xiomara writes of her brother saving up enough money to buy her a fancy notebook to put her thoughts in. This was the first time someone had done that, and made her feel like her thoughts were important. She has written in it every single day, and sometimes it is the only thing that keeps her from hurting.
The Routine
Every day she goes straight home after school to help out around the house. Twin never has to do the amount she does, and only rarely does he help at all.
Altar Boy
Twin likes church and is a science geek but does not question the Bible as much. He is an altar boy and volunteered at Bible Camp. He is easier than Xiomara for Mami to understand.
Twin’s Name
Xiomara has called Twin by that name for as long as she can remember. She does not think his real name of Xavier feels like him; it is for others and “Twin” is only for her.
More About Twin
He is older by an hour but does not act like it; he is “years softer than I will ever be” (45). When they were younger Xiomara would come home with bloody knuckles and Mami would chide her for not being more like Twin, but the truth was that Xiomara fought for Twin.
It’s Only the First Week of Tenth Grade
It is already a mess. Xiomara thought it would be different but she feels alone. She’s already had to curse out one guy for tugging on her bra strap. He said something about her “big body” and though she hated it, she felt a bit of excitement at the same time as she wanted to hide.
How I Feel About Attention
She feels like a myth, like if Medusa had a daughter. She has tight curls and a full mouth and long lashes, and the men keep coming for her.
Games
Twin, Caridad, and Xiomara go to Goat Park on the Upper West Side. They have all been like family since the beginning, though sometimes it seems like the other two click more. There is a chill in the sunny weather but it is still warm enough for T-shirts.
They watch the ball players. Caridad is watching the game but Xiomara is admiring their sweaty bodies. She sees Twin staring hard at one of them, and then looks away. One comes over and tells her with a smile that he saw her staring at him. She is flustered, liking to look but hating to be seen.
Twin begins to pull her away and the ball player teases her and cups his own crotch. She goes up to him and asks how he can handle her if he cannot even handle the ball. There are cheers and laughter, and she walks away.
After
Being ogled or touched by men happens all the time; they think they can do what they want. It does not matter what she is wearing or what she is doing, and it never stops. She is never used to it and her hands shake and her throat tightens. She calms down by listening to Drake at home and writing in her notebook.
Okay?
Twin asks Xiomara if she is okay. He can see it on her face. He is a guy but never defends her. Does he not know how tired of this she is? They both turn away, disappointed in the other.
On Sunday
Xiomara is at mass and it feels like prison.
During Communion
Everyone stands for Communion but Xiomara does not get up from the pew. Mami whispers to her harshly that she needs to take God and thank him that she is breathing. Xiomara cannot. It bothers her that “listening to his commandments / mean[s] I need to shut down my own voice” (57).
Church Mass
When she was little, Xiomara loved mass. Now, though, when Father Sean appears, it is like her insides revolt. All she hears is how girls “shouldn’t,” that they need to wait and obey and stop. She is supposed to be like Mary, a scared girl who was impregnated. None of the disciples look like her. She is told to have faith in the father and the son but “men are the first ones / to make me feel so small” (59).
Not Even Close to Haiku
Mami is furious. She tells her she can never refuse Communion again. Xiomara replies that Father Sean says it should only be taken with joy. Mami looks at her. It is unclear who has won this round.
Holy Water
Xiomara can hear Mami loudly whispering to Papi about her. Mami says it's like she has devils inside her, and she talked to Father Sean and he said he will talk to her. This won’t help, Xiomara thinks. Papi replies that it is puberty and teenage girls are overexcited.
People Say
...Papi was a womanizer and a drunk and couldn’t get a woman pregnant, but that Twin and Xiomara saved him. He used to love to dance but now has a “straight spine.”
On Papi
He is a father who lives with you, Xiomara thinks, who eats there and watches TV and snores and who is around, but he “could be gone as anybody,” and “Just because your father’s present / doesn’t mean he isn’t absent” (65).
All Over a Damn Wafer
As punishment, Mami makes Xiomara go with her every evening that week to Mass. She dutifully takes the wafer but when she walks away she spits it into her palms.
The Flyer
The flyer at school calls for all poets/rappers/writers to come to a Spoken Word Poetry Club Tuesday after school in Ms. Galiano’s room. There is a buzzing in Xiomara’s ears; it seems like it was written just for her.
After the Buzz Dies Down
She crumples up the flyer. Confirmation class is on Tuesdays and Mami will never let her out. Plus, she doesn't want anyone hearing her work.
Two weeks into bio, they are finally starting work. A boy named Aman is assigned as Xiomara's lab partner. His forearm brushes against hers accidentally, and she pulls it away in a rush. She does not want a rumor to spread. But she sees how she is taller than him, how he has a full mouth, how he is quiet but looks at her. For a moment she lets her arm rest against his in a comfortable silence.
Whispering with Caridad Later That Day
Xiomara tells her friend about the boy. Caridad tells her lusting is a sin, but Xiomara replies that they are not robots. Caridad smiles but says she thinks she’s the only one trying to protect Xiomara from herself.
What Twin Be Knowing
Xiomara gets ready for bed and is surprised to see the crumpled flyer sitting on her bed, unfolded. Twin whispers that the world has been waiting for her genius for a long time. This makes her smile, but later she tears it up so Mami can’t find it. She cannot go on Tuesdays, and her genius is only her own for now.
Analysis
The Poet X is told from the point of view of Xiomara, the main character, and includes not just her thoughts but also her texts, poems, homework assignments, and more. Because the reader has direct insight into what Xiomara is thinking and feeling and doing, it makes the novel an incredibly intimate one. Xiomara’s voice is singular; she is simultaneously bold, confident, unsure, depressed, jubilant, and more. She is a “normal” teenager but she also comes alive as an individual in Acevedo’s writing. Readers have the sense that if they met her in real life, they’d already know her.
Xiomara’s identity is, to an extent, shaped by her family and how she was raised. She is a Dominican-American, born to parents who immigrated to America. Both work hard, especially her mother, to provide a good life for Xiomara and her brother; though Mami has numerous flaws, Xiomara and the reader can acknowledge that Mami endures the typical immigrant experience of being undervalued and overworked.
Both parents are religious, though Papi seems only to be going through the motions. Mami is deeply Catholic and conservative, and clings to her religion to make sense of her own life and the way the world works and how to navigate it. Consequently, she can be very hard on her daughter (more on that in later analyses). It is also important to note that Xiomara and Xavier were born to older parents and are thus seen as a sort of miracle; this translates to special treatment for Twin and extreme surveillance for Xiomara. There is immense pressure on her not to mess up, not to bring shame on the family; as a girl in a conservative household this is much more of an issue for her than it is for her brother.
Navigating the vicissitudes of being a teenager is hard enough, but even beyond her parents, there are a few things that make things even harder for Xiomara. She is frank about her body and how it attracts a copious amount of attention. She is tall, curvy, and feels like her “body takes up more room than [her] voice” (5), making her “un-hideable” (5). Girls call her names and boys and men leer, tease, and grab. In the chapter “After” Xiomara lists out the places where “it”—the catcalling and harassment—happens, which is everywhere. She also says when it happens, which is any time, regardless of what she is doing or wearing. She comments that she never quite gets used to it, “And it always makes my hands shake. / Always makes my throat tight” (53).
Xiomara is clearly frustrated with this blatant harassment, but she is also beginning to awaken to her own sexuality: “For a while now I’ve been having all these feelings. / Noticing boys more than I used to” but it is “a stew of mixed-up ingredients: partly flattered they think I’m attractive, / partly scared they’re only interested in my ass and boobs, / and a good measure of Mami-will-kill-me fear sprinkled on top” (32). One of the things she appreciates about Aman is that he never pushes her to do anything she doesn’t want to do; he doesn’t shame her, and he makes her feel beautiful and special. While he does have a misstep in not standing up for her one day at school, he is largely a positive example of a young man who does not fall into the trap of sexism and toxic masculinity.
