It felt as though we always had a white foot pressed against the back of our necks.
At the novel's beginning, Melba describes her childhood and how it was marked by racism. Even from an early age, she realizes her family endures injustice and violence at every turn. Melba's parents, though educated and physically strong, do not stand up for themselves when abused by white people because they know that to do so will result in violence against their family. Similarly, Melba and the other members of the Little Rock Nine are selected to integrate Central High based on their high academic achievements. Yet, the constant harassment they endure makes it near impossible for them to focus on anything other than survival. In this quotation, Melba expresses the constant, suffocating pressure of being Black in a racist society.
"You'll make this your last cry. You're a warrior on the battlefield for your Lord. God's warriors don't cry, 'cause they trust that he's always by their side."
After horrible bullying and harassment at Central High, Melba weeps into her pillow, overcome with exhaustion and fear. Grandma India realizes what Melba is going through and hates to see her granddaughter in pain. Yet, Grandma India knows that Melba cannot survive Central High without creating an emotional distance between herself and the pain she suffers. Grandma India reminds Melba of her faith in God, and by comparing her to a warrior, Grandma India affirms Melba's strength and endurance. This quotation, from which the text's title is taken, introduces the military motif used throughout the text.
After three full days inside Central, I know that integration is a much bigger word than I thought.
When Melba first signed up to integrate Central High, she only considered receiving a superior education. She assumed that she would be accepted once the white students got used to her being in school. However, after just a few days in Central, Melba realizes that integration cannot be achieved by just changing a few laws. Little Rock's deep-rooted structural racism and culture of bigotry make integration a deadly undertaking. In addition, integration is a "bigger word" because the Little Rock Nine's success has national ramifications. The NAACP, news reporters, Melba's community, and segregationists suggest that the future of race relations in America rests on the Little Rock Nine's shoulders.
I felt a new will to live rise up in me. I knew I wasn't just going to roll over and die. I could take care of myself and speak up to white folks, even if my mother and father sometimes feared to do so. I discovered I had infinitely more guts than I started the school year with.
When the Arkansas National Guard refuses to assist the Little Rock Nine during multiple assaults, Melba and Minnijean go to the principal (who usually ignores their complaints) and threaten to call the NAACP and reporters, exposing the school faculty's incompetence. This marks a turning point for Melba. Though she learned to endure humiliation and pain since childhood and was instructed not to complain during the integration process, the amount of violence she endures pushes her to advocate for herself. Melba realizes standing up for her life and dignity can work, and commits to valuing herself and claiming space.
I think only the warrior exists in me now. Melba went away to hide. She was too frightened to stay here.
In this quotation, Melba affirms her courage and strength while mourning the loss of her innocence. As Melba endures constant mistreatment at school, she is only able to focus on surviving. Her friends desert her, and for her safety, she has to give up the parts of her life that once gave her joy, like attending wrestling matches and sleepovers. Melba begins to think like a soldier to get through the day and evade threats.
The humiliating expectations and traditions of segregation creep over you, slowly stealing a teaspoonful of your self-esteem each day.
In this quotation, Melba explains one of the unspoken costs of segregation: damaged self-esteem. In Melba's city, segregationists expect the Black community to endure humiliation and mistreatment; when Black people stand up for themselves, segregationists react defensively and often violently. Therefore, Melba's parents suffer mistreatment, condescension, and humiliation without complaining because to do so would put their family in danger. Throughout the text, Melba reclaims her dignity by standing up to school administrators, outsmarting her tormentors, and ultimately, surviving the school year.
Over the dinner table, I found they were people just like me. They used the same blue linen dinner napkins that Grandma India favored. They treated me like I was an equal, like I belonged with them.
In Cincinnati, Melba experiences what life can be like in a racially integrated society. Her Uncle Clancey's white neighbors invite Melba to dinner, and genuinely enjoy her company. In Little Rock, by contrast, Melba considers white people a separate species because she rarely interacts with them and has only negative experiences with them. Throughout the text, Melba uses the imagery of her grandmother's home decorations and beloved possessions to evoke a feeling of safety and dignity. By referencing the "blue linen dinner napkins" Uncle Clancey's neighbors and Grandma India use, she expresses that, for the first time, she feels unafraid in the presence of a white person.
"You hit back every day you get through. You kick them every week you get through. And if you make it through the year, you've hit them with the biggest blow of all."
Melba struggles with loneliness and anger and imagines physically harming her tormentors. However, the NAACP instructs Melba not to fight back unless her life is endangered, as the segregationists scrutinize the Little Rock Nine, looking for any excuse to expel them. When Melba expresses her feelings to her mother and Grandma India, Grandma India instructs Melba to read about Gandhi and nonviolent protest. Mother Lois reframes Melba's endurance as revolutionary in itself.
As Grandma India said, turning the other cheek could be difficult, but for me, it was also beginning to be a lot of fun. Somehow I had won a round in a bizarre mental contest.
Melba's bullies turn to psychological warfare to provoke her, knowing if she fights back, she will be expelled. Rumors spread that "psychological experts" train the students to harass the Little Rock Nine. However, Grandma India suggests that Melba combat the bullying by responding in bizarre and unexpected ways, like thanking the bullies for their torment; Grandma India's logic is that if the bullies receive a confusing, unexpected response, they will back off. Grandma India proves correct, and Melba feels empowered as she successfully outsmarts her opponents without jeopardizing her spot at Central High.
The newspapers said Ernie's diploma cost taxpayers half a million dollars. Of course, we knew it cost all of us much, much more than that. It cost us our innocence and a precious year of our teenage lives.
After Ernie's graduation, reporters minimize the Little Rock Nine's experiences by pointing out how much government funding was spent on protecting the students. However, Melba points out the integration process was a political issue with high human costs; she and the other eight were forever traumatized by the ordeal.
